When the family gathers, is there an air of happiness? Families that seem happy and enjoy each other's company tend to talk more together, are certainly noisier and from my observation seem to have a well developed ability and interest in listening to each other. They seem more tolerant of each other's vulnerable sides and will often find humour in the various habits and patterns that members of the family adopt.

We should never underestimate that being happy is actually a strength and that seeing the world in a positive light can set the scene for a family to work out of a positive disposition.

When emotions like anger, frustration and disappointment dominate a parent's disposition, any wonder that the child will close down their communication and develop coping skills around the parent. Such negative emotions can also be seen by the child as a use of power against themselves.

Children sense very easily what buttons will trigger negative emotions in their parents. They will also develop their own ability to get their needs met and sometimes this involves going around the parent.

Developing a positive, optimistic mode of operating around each other is most inviting to a child. It is quite compulsive. People like being around such people and so too children. Of course life presents challenges and when a parent feels less likely to be optimistic, happy to engage and positive, it is best to let your child know.

“Today I feel not at my best. I have some things on my mind and tomorrow will be a better day.”

This is all about alerting your child when to best approach them for advice etc. It also reduces confusion for the child who knows you as a happy, positive person.

Keeping the happy levels of the family at a high level should be a focus for parents. Laugh together and enjoy hearing the delights of each other's experiences. Go into conversation with a positive approach. Find warmth and humour in what they have to tell you. Use affirming language and avoid down language.

“I had so much shopping to do today. Wow. I felt like a donkey carrying all those groceries. I think I looked like a donkey too with my sore back.”

Down language could be:

“I had so much shopping to do today. It was heavy and my back is so sore”

The use of positive language does not undermine the message but creates a positive aspect to how it is expressed.

If children hear such positive inflection in their parent's conversation they will respond positively themselves and certainly be less cautious in talking to their parents, feeling emotionally much safer.

In working with children, they would sometimes tell me that they would choose not to talk about certain topics to their parents as it made their parents angry. They would be selective in what and how they expressed themselves.

Try some of the following to lighten the load and brighten the day.

Smile often when talking.
Have a warm tone in your conversation.
Use a gentle calm voice at all times. Sometimes, when they talk about their day have a laugh and join in the story.
Applaud their strengths with confidence and warm thoughts.

Some parents have affectionate titles for their children which makes the child feel good.

“Thanks speedy. I always get it on time.”

“Hey handsome pass me the spoon.”

Tell jokes to each other. The children love joke telling. I know of one family who have a very bad book of jokes but the family have a joke sharing time each week. This is great fun. Tell them your rate of happiness.

“Today I feel ten out of ten in being just happy. What is your number?”

The message to the child is that taking on a positive happy disposition, enlivens the space in which you live. You are telling them that when I feel happy, the world is a better place, come and join me!

“The secret of a long life,

LAUGHTER.

The secret of a long-lasting relationship

laughing together.....”

~ tinybuddha.com

Developing a positive, optimistic mode of operating around each other is most inviting to a child.