Are you an open ended person or more inclined to enjoy closed activities? Our children are no different. As they get older they will find that school will provide activities whereby they will need to work on open ended problems. Sometimes, teachers will give them closed exercises that will involve simple and clear answers. My observation is that boys struggle with open ended questions or tasks more than the girls who enjoy putting down long explanations and enjoy thinking outside the square.

Now apply this to your experience at home.

When you have tasks to do, reflect on whether you are setting open ended tasks or more closed tasks with clear outcomes. Consider, whether your child understands what is expected of them.

For example, would you ask your ten year old son to tidy up the yard? This request is so broad and no surprises, this can lead to much frustration. Better to be more explicit and suggest one aspect of the yard with instructions as to what you expect done. I would also ask them to repeat the instructions back to you. This is a closed activity and the child knows exactly the parameters of the request. How often do you sit with homework where the boys especially cannot respond to open ended activities.

Understanding your child's mode of thinking is very helpful as it reduces tension between the child and parent. It also has the likelihood of more success and therefore praise for achieving the tasks.

The child begins to appreciate that how you talk to them is understandable, reasonable and possible to achieve. This helps them tune in more to what you are saying. They are keen for approval and sometimes simply cannot grasp the request.

Better to have an understanding of how they process so that damage to the relationship is reduced to a minimum.

Also, keep in mind how much information the child can process at once. This is especially applicable to younger children. It is all about how many instructions you give them at once.

For example:

“Go the fridge, get out the milk and put it on the bench, next to the cup.”

Here are four instructions in one sentence.

Some children may have only heard two instructions. No surprise that the milk ends up in the wrong area!

If your child only processes two instructions then give them only two instructions at once.

“Go the fridge, get out the milk.. Thanks for that. Now put it on the bench, next to the cup. Well done for being helpful.”

Notice that saying well done is followed by a reason for the approval. Often the child does not understand what made the activity worthy of praise.

So the message is to tune into how your child processes to further enrich the relationship.

Understanding how your child processes information will avoid confusion and frustration for all involved, leading to healthy praise for your childs achievements.