How to talk to my child when they feel anxious.

No absolute answers here but there are smart ways to engage with your child when you detect their feelings of being uncertain about some matters.

Often the underlying feeling they have is being fearful of not succeeding in some way. This is often through not achieving at school in their work or in their friendships.

The first important key is to simply be still and listen to what they have to say. This means not asking tricky questions. Imagine if it is our anxieties that are being questioned. We feel vulnerable. People asking us questions can often get irritating and shut us down. Children feel exactly the same.

They can shut down on us quickly as they feel they are being judged.

Just simply listening to the whole story and then picking up on what they say can help. 'It sounds like that was difficult' “You must be feeling unhappy about that”. We simply hear their feeling and wait for them to talk it through.

I find working with children this way helps them to simply think through their problems. They are more inclined to chat to parents about their concerns if they feel they are not being judged or that the parents will offer the solution.

Remember, as a parent the problem is not ours to solve. Once we solve it for them we have taken over the problem.

Not great for building resilience in our children.