Watch the long explanations.
Ever wondered what your time span is for listening to others? I imagine it would vary subject to the person, fatigue and interest in the topic. The point is that as we talk to people, the longer the sentence and overall conversation, the greater the propensity for our attention span to drop off. Now think about our children. They are not yet as well developed as adults in concentration and the younger the child, the more limited they are in hearing everything you have to say.
Also, it is well known that if your child is anxious or feels distracted, the likelihood of them hearing all of what you had to say will deteriorate very quickly. If there is an important message you wish to give a child, especially a pre-schooler, it is worth asking them to repeat it back so that you understand if they took in the key message.
Also, our tone of voice can impact on how much a child hears and processes. The more aggressive we sound, the more the child will shut down and only hear the hostility.
It is also true that if we give long explanations to a child, no matter how informative the information, they will process in chunks of information and they may not get the full impact of what you are saying. In fact, it is possible that if the explanation is very long, they can chunk concepts together which make their understanding completely incorrect. Teachers are very aware of how children process information.
Here we learn that when we want to give an explanation to a child, we should consider their age, attention span, wellness, timing and interest in concentrating at the time. If a child has plenty of distractions around them, they will not find it easy to concentrate on the explanation.
I recommend that you choose your time wisely. Then consider what is the actual information that you want to give your child and construct your sentences clearly, keeping them short. The more you add to your explanations, the more complicated the processing for the child. Also, with longer explanations, opinions, attitudes values etc. creep into what you are saying which can cloud the real purpose of the conversation.
In working with children, despite having considerable experience in this field, I would still regularly check myself and reflect on what I wanted to say. It was important to be succinct and clear. Using vocabulary that suited the age of the child was most important. When I gave long explanations to children, it was not uncommon that they would return with the words, “I don’t know what …. means?” This was a clear message to me that they had lost the content of what I was saying.
Consider the following as tools to help talk to children in ways that will engage them and give you the best response.
Think before you speak. Is it important at that time to discuss the matter? Can it wait for a time where the child will be more receptive? Are you adequately prepared to give the best explanation?
Choose words carefully and if discussing an important matter use vocabulary that is simple and direct.
Short, sharp sentences are the best to get your message across to the child.
Wait for a response rather that charging in quickly again. Children need that time to process what you have said. A little silence in between talking is quite acceptable.
Have a positive tone to your voice that is not loud or sharp. Children only hear the aggravation and not the words.
Always acknowledge their listening.
“Thanks for listening today. Now we can get on with dinner.”
If uncertain that a child has understood what you had to say, gently ask them to repeat what you said, do this in a positive way encouraging the child.
“Can you just tell me again what I said?”
When you wait for a response, be positive as negative body language can shut down the child’s response and limit their comprehension of what you had to say.
This article is all about getting the best from our conversations and not building up frustration when we think they are not listening. Perhaps they are not really listening and so we need to examine how we deliver the message to the child.
“The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice.”