The minute we start talking we reveal much about ourselves. The intonation of our speech and the expressions we use are learnt habits and no surprises, become learnt habits for your children.

This article is to give us some idea about how we can use language to build relationships with our children, ward off problems and act proactively when communicating around and with our children.

Firstly, it is helpful to recognise that our moods and general health will affect how we communicate. The best advice to give here is to always do less, talk less and slow down, using less communication if you are feeling vulnerable in discussing matters. This is acting proactively and reducing dialogue that can be damaging.

The following are suggestions to assist in providing effective language when around children.

This article is to give us some idea about how we can use language to build relationships with our children.

Remember to use the child’s name when talking to them and avoiding using “you” and other nicknames that are not considered endearing names.
In talking, take care to slow down especially when taking about some important matter. Talking too fast, sets up a feeling of anxiousness and a need for an immediate response.
Try to build in positive, reassuring language:

“I love that happy face when we clean your room”

“Television is finished and its bedtime. Sleep is a great time to rest that body.”

Use the same tones when talking. A child will pick up very quickly when the tone changes. They will then try to interpret your attitude, sometimes.
Use comfortable language and not use swear words or words that can be interpreted with aggressive undertones. Language such as… I am disappointed, angry upset etc. all suit expressing your feelings.
In talking to children, try to avoid abbreviations as the child will learn the habit of completing sentences well.
Some families introduce new words once a week. They then practice using the word to include it in their speech.
Carefully think through what you want to say, rather than correcting yourself. This helps the child recognise the clarity in your conversation.

In working with children, the rule was always… talk to the child in your regular tone of voice when you are well prepared with what you need to say. This ensures that the child does not get confused and you are in a better situation to talk with clarity and in an unemotional way. There is nothing more frustrating than someone talking to you about an issue and they are confused, unclear, repetitive or unsettled about what they want to say.

Sometimes talking in simple sentences with a small breathing space in between statements is helpful to children, as they are learning to process information.

Watch the dramatics when talking. They can also be confusing for the child providing inaccurate messages.

Choosing good language phrased as positively as possible has the best chance of being received well. Roadblocks to a child come from language that is intimidating, loud and confusing.

Also be careful not to change your language using a different style of talk to your child. Whilst the age of the child will dictate the language used, there is still a common way to talk across children and adults.

If you are inclined to talk calmy and in an even pace, this would apply to both child and adult. Remember that there is an emotional message in what you have to say. The child will always look for that hidden message sometimes at the detriment of hearing what was said.

If a child responds to your conversation and they are completely not on target with what you had to say, this is a red light sign that they have not actually heard what you had to say.

Our language is a powerful tool which over the centuries has been used for good and evil. As a parent we have such a rich opportunity in building strong, confident children, who use language as a force to get their message across in the most effective way possible. They learn this through how we distribute our messages.

“Each day of our lives we make deposits in the memory banks of our children.”

— Charles R Swindell, Evangelical Christian Pastor.