Just be yourself
Have you ever noticed how we alter our behaviour, body language etc. when we are talking to our children?
Are we ever consistent in the way we communicate with them?
It is easy to understand that mood, temperament, personality etc. can influence how we talk to our children. This article is about being consistent when you talk to a child in the following ways:
Your child deserves you in all its authenticity and human face.
Keep the same tone of voice with the child. This applies to any situation whether upset, or simply instructing a child. The same tone of voice ensures the child will listen with more intent.
When we talk, introduce what you have to say as clearly as possible. The more complicated we talk to our children, the quicker they disconnect from what we have to say.
“I want to talk to you about the toys in your bedroom. We need to think about where we put them.”
Keep your language simple. This is especially the case with younger children and when we have something important to say to our child.
Using the same tone of voice, do not imitate other people when talking. A child knows you very well and they expect and trust the legitimate you.
Consider the volume of your voice and be consistent with using the same volume. Try keeping a gentle tone in the voice. Children are quick to pick up a change of attitude through the volume and tone of voice. It is a strong cue to your mood and temperament.
Try keeping a positive tone to your conversations. Being optimistic tells the child that we look on the bright side of life. It teaches them that optimism is an enlivening way to communicate.
When you are simply being consistent in how you talk, consistent in how you behave and react to situations, the child feels that they can trust the legitimacy of your words. They are more inclined to listen with interest and will not disengage when they sense a change of tone etc.
I always remember a child saying to me on one occasion:
“Why are you speaking differently to me, Mrs Smith?”
When I reflected on this it was because I was in a hurry, a little annoyed and anxious to move on with another matter. I wasn’t expecting to be dealing with the issue concerning this child. How pointless was the conversation with the child and how damaging to their image of how I communicated with them? Could they rely on how I spoke to them next time?
Whilst I appreciate being consistent is not always easy, consider the following tips to help:
Don’t say anything if you are not able to operate well with the child. No damage is done from being silent.
Tell the child that today I feel unwell or unable to have a chat so we will follow it through when things are normal. Be of course honest in why you are postponing the conversation.
Try smiling more and give good eye contact to your child. Don’t forget humour is helpful in being relaxed and being yourself.
Sit comfortably and be in a relaxed state when chatting about matters.
Busy, noisy places tend to cause us to react and we become busy, noisy, people ourselves.
This article is simply reminding us that the child deserves you in all its authenticity and human face. They feel safer and more secure when they are talking to their parent whom they know and love and most importantly is consistent, predictable and trustworthy.
“Being authentic will radiate more pure energy than trying to be an ideal person.”