Are you an expressive person? Do your feelings show on your face or in the way you use your hands, eyes, etc? Many of us can be quite expressive and many keep a low profile when it comes to revealing all through body language.

For a child it is all about reading their parents in different ways. Often this does not come from words, but from how a parent expresses themselves. A child is very skilled from an early age at reading their parent’s body language. They are keen to know your reaction often to their behaviour or simply to understand what you like, dislike and what pleases you.

Consider a baby in a crib. We smile at them to indicate pleasure and when a young child breaks a glass, we express displeasure through our expressions and words.

There is no escaping the fact that how you express yourself is a tell-tale story to your child.

Consider that your body language can have a major impact on your child and should be used for good and not so much for expressing anger, disappointment etc. Positive, affirming body language will give reassuring messages to your child giving them an indication of how happy you are feeling.

Have you considered your body language around your children?

Eye contact is also very important as this demonstrates to your child that your focus is specifically on them.

Here are some reflections on how to use effective body language.

When talking to your child, try to face them. If you are talking to a small child, come down to their level. This takes away feelings of superiority and indicates that you want to give them your attention.
If you have something important to talk about, position yourself in a comfortable situation where you can give your child eye contact and you are directly facing them. This tells the child that they alone are important in this conversation and listening to them will happen with intent.
If you trying to do several things once such as doing the dishes, watching television and talking to your child, keep in mind that the conversation should be on a superficial level. Don’t expect a great response!
Watch the tone of your voice. Much is revealed by the tone of voice. Keep your tone the same as normal, changing tone can only unsettle a child who is always mentally checking in to see f all is well.
Body language should be consistent when discussing matters. If you suddenly change body language such as putting hands on hips, looking cross and frustrated, this will translate a message to your child. Remember that positive responses come from conversations where there is no subtle threat or subliminal power used.
If you feel that you are in a state where your body language will dominate the conversation, consider waiting for a better time to talk.
Smiling is a wonderful statement to make to your child. It says so much and tells the child that you are pleased and satisfied with everything. This is quite a calming and reassuring message to give a child.
Using your eyes to express joy also is a positive act. How many people do we know that show a positive, inviting disposition through eye gestures, smiles and grins? They actually make us feel better.

As a parent we have the responsibility of supporting our child and using the power of assertive body language only reduces the likelihood of our child being attracted to us when they need support. It also can be seen as a form of emotional bullying and a child will model such behaviour themselves.

Finally, we are always expressing ourselves to our children. Consider how you use body language to reassure them of your feelings and to invite them into a warm and loving relationship.

“Your body communicates as well as your mouth. Don’t contradict yourself.”

— Allen Ruddock