How often do we catch our children out when they are behaving poorly? I am sure if you reflect on this honestly and recognise that we often observe poor behaviour, but not always identify the best of our children. After all, the best of how children can appear in many ways.

Surprisingly, if we look closely, you will notice aspects of your child’s behaviour which actually reflects very positive things. For example, do you consider when your child demonstrates?

Empathy
Compassion
Sorrow
Sympathy
Understanding
Tolerance
Patience
Generosity.

How about highlighting when you child demonstrates some of these qualities which undoubtedly, we want to develop and nurture in our children. They need to learn that such qualities can be taught and when used well, can make such a difference in building relationships.

‘I was so pleased to see how gentle you were when your younger brother fell and hurt himself.’

‘I can see how upset you are about the incident. You certainly are a compassionate person.’

‘I love the fact that you helped your sister with her homework. You are very understanding about her fears.’

‘Thank you for being so patient with me. I just haven’t felt well enough to help you with that project.’

It is important to use the words that highlight what you admire about them. Children will learn more quickly that there is a value in being compassionate etc. and that it is an important quality to develop.

I believe it is naïve to think that such qualities will automatically develop or be picked up along the way. Often a child needs to be taught and experience the healthy outcomes of being sympathetic, empathetic, etc. There is nothing better than learning from experience.

‘The way positive reinforcement is carried out is more important than the amount.’
-B F Skinner