As parents we simply don’t have all the answers. Just when we think we are on top of matters, our child surprises us with new challenges. They are growing all the time and with that growth comes new interests and new exposures to different experiences and challenges. We need to be ready and prepared as our parenting changes to accommodate our growing child.

**It is mentally healthy to recognise that seeking help is an excellent response when needed.**

Think about it for a moment. How you talk and parent a seven-year-old will be completely different to how you parent that child when turning fourteen. Who gives you the advice as your parenting needs to adjust to a child who is on the path to seeking independence and demanding personal space, independent thinking etc? This article is to remind you, the parent that seeking advice and help is a natural part of your ever evolving growth as a parent. You see we have to change as well as the child.

Sometimes we can develop irrational thoughts on seeking advice.

Negative thoughts could include:

If I cannot manage my child’s behaviour, I must be a failure as a parent. I don’t deserve that feeling when I try so hard.
If I am in control I would not be at loggerheads with my child and feel useless in managing their behaviour. Why do I have these feelings of inadequacy when it is my child who has behaviour problems?
I am embarrassed that I cannot manage my child and other people must consider me a bad parent.
Perhaps my child is really bad and I have done a poor job in rearing them. Perhaps it is my fault after all.

These irrational thoughts can steer us aware from seeking help.

When you seek help:

You demonstrate that you value education. The more you know, the more capable, calm and confident you are in understanding the situation for what it is. It is a sound thing for your child to see that you are keen to learn more about parenting.
It shows you care enough about your child to go beyond your own fears and seek others out for advice.
It also demonstrates that you can recognise that there is a problem and that independent support is to be valued and respected.
It shows your maturity in recognising that there are many ways to solve problems and using experienced support will be welcomed.

When seeking help consider places such as your local school and of course talking to your child’s teachers. They are wise enough to understand that home behaviour can be different from school.

Nowadays it is not difficult to look online for parental support and everything from psychologists to the local councils, welfare agencies etc. often run courses to help parents.

By engaging such support, you will:

Realise that your parenting is normal. There is no such thing as perfect parenting.
They will provide moral and emotional support.
They can help you work out a plan to address your concerns. Organisations can give you other networks to assist as well.

Above all consider:

It is normal to come across roadblocks in parenting. In fact, expect them from time to time. They are challenge points.
As children grow their needs change and this will naturally challenge your parenting.
It is mentally healthy to recognise that seeking help is an excellent response when needed.

Throughout your life as a parent, you are learning how to parent. It is not a static process and just like any form of learning we all need good teachers.

‘Each day of our lives we make deposits in the memory banks of our children.’
-Charles R Swindoll