How often do we hear ourselves uttering how different our children are?

We often ask the question,

‘How can they be so different and yet they come from the same family?’

‘Why is my second child so different in temperament to my first child?’

‘Where did I get these children from?’

So many confused and challenging thoughts go through our minds when we reflect on the often-profound differences we see in our children.

There is a different mixture of genes in each child and this will provide a variety of personalities, physical differences, etc. Also, each child has different experiences in the same family especially given their order in the family. They will often see the same situation in a completely different way.

Each child brings something different to the family. How you parent should be different for each child.

Talk to the first child and they will tell you about expectations placed on them. Sometimes a second child takes more risks and is not so uptight and focussed on perfections. And so, the variation goes on.

What we need to keep in mind is that each child is an individual and will expect to be treated as an individual with understanding and empathy to their special temperament. Treating all children, the same may not always work.

Have you noticed that when you have your second child your parenting changes and this means that your second child will be treated slightly differently? There are multiple variations in how we parent over time and this is all part of the shifting tapestry of family over the years.

Consider:

How you parent should and will be different for all your children.
Children who tend to be active, unsettled and strong willed will require more attention and parenting will need to be focussed with lots of understanding and boundaries.
Celebrate their differences. Make it clear to all the family that you love their differences and that each one is a special individual. This is important as sibling rivalry can easily start up when differences are highlighted in a negative way.
Sometimes more demanding children will need more of your attention. This is normal and can sometimes make parents anxious that they are not giving enough time to quieter, less troubled children. You are human and can only spread yourself so far. It is just a fact that some children need you more. It happens in all families.
Tap into each child at a special one-on-one time. A child loves this time and it helps them feel personally connected to you.
A child loves their one-on-one time with you the parent and also, they love their connected time with siblings. Try and provide a balance so that the family enjoy stable happy times together where their individualism is still given room to grow. The more we acknowledge their differences, the greater symmetry you have as a family and the more understanding for each other is expressed.

‘Kids don’t remember what you try to teach them. They remember who you are.’
-Jim Henson