We certainly are quick to notice the behaviour that troubles us. We have an immediate reaction to stop it and deal with the matter which is annoying us. How often do we reward our child in spontaneous ways? Do we notice the various spontaneous occasions that can be rewarded and often through different ways?

Never underestimate the value of the positive words you use with your children. There is a clever way of getting even smarter with words and that is by picking up on spontaneous positive moments you notice.

‘You certainly have good manners. Thanks for passing the bread so quickly.’

‘I love the way you close the care door gently. It is good manners.’

‘I notice how you listen to your friends when they tell you, their stories. You are a very empathetic person.’

‘What a gentleman. You carried the groceries in to the kitchen.’

‘How happy you make me when I see how you care for your little brother.’

‘Thanks for picking up the mess. I am just too tired.’

‘You are such a fair person when you play games. You always share with the other person.’

Note that all the above are incidental statements that can be said on the run. The trick is to notice behaviour at a deeper level and comment on how they impact on you or are just simply noticed qualities you admire. The use of good language is important. Sometimes we forget to praise behaviour that is actually building emotional maturity. This involves affirming their generosity, kindness to others, empathy to children. If you think about today’s experiences, were there occasions where you could have simply noticed something you like about your child?

Once a child realises that you notice and appreciate them in different forms, they are more inclined to repeat that behaviour. What you notice about them is how you define them. Their sense of how they are valued comes from how you treat them and especially the words you use to describe them.

There are many ways to listen to your child and one special way is to affirm them in subtle ways. You are listening to their rhythm of life and celebrating what makes them special.

‘Affirm people. Affirm your children. Believe in them, not in what you see but in what you don’t see. their potential.’
-Stephen R Covey