There are many times across a day when you need to make choices. Some may seem automatic such as getting up in the morning to more complex decisions such as buying your house, car etc.

Children need occasions to make choices and grow to understand that in making choices we live with the consequences. Decision making can be taught as much as learnt on the run. For our children, teaching them that making their own decisions comes with the joy of owning the outcome and also learning from the outcome.

As parents, especially when our children are more dependent on us, we tend to make decisions for them so that they are safe and do not experience too much discomfort. But beware too much reliance on parents to make decisions for the child leads to too much dependency and delayed development emotionally and often socially. Never underestimate how your child can make sound choices for themselves. At an early age, the child needs to see that you trust them in making their own decisions.

You will find that as early as prep, teachers are expecting children to make decisions based on what they know and what has to date been their experience. Teachers may give two choices or widen the horizon as the child grows more mature showing a readiness to make bigger decisions. They will falter, make mistakes and experience loss and disappointment but such feelings will make them stronger and more resilient as time goes on. They will simply learn from experience and this will drive their future thinking and choices.

Consider the following ideas to help build a child’s confidence in making their own decisions as they mature:

Encourage your child to make up their own mind. When they vacillate between ideas remind them that their final decision is valid, respected by you and is all about ‘Having a go.’ It is not your responsibility to fix their bad decisions. This must be worked through carefully with the child and they must own their responsibility to fixing problems.
Decision making is all about developing the skill of survival. Teachers will use opportunities to encourage decision making across their school day. It could be as simple as what group the child should join, and what project they will choose. Teachers will also affirm children for showing initiative in making decisions outside their comfort zone. This shows they are seeking and developing independent thought.
Be an opportunist with your child. There will be times in the day when you can stand back and invite your child to make choices.

‘Which of these recipes will we cook tonight?’

‘What program should we watch that includes everyone?’

Be a great model in making choices. Talk to your children about life choices you have made and choices that are critical to your life’s happiness. Explain how such choices have dictated some paths you have taken in life.
Of course, making choices may from time to time have consequences. Here you need to be sensitive and not override their confidence in making decisions. But of course, they will need to learn from their mistakes.
A great tool in helping children to make decisions is to have an inquiring mind as a parent. Ask them relevant questions such as:

‘Tell me why that choice is the best?’

‘Will you get many advantages from going in that direction?’

Above all as a parent you are gradually leading them to the light where they become confident, independent individuals who are comfortable making decisions for themselves and living with them.

‘The fact is that kids learn to make good decisions by making decisions not by following directions.’
-Alfie Kohn