It is such a natural part of family life to have to deal with sibling issues. Children come in different shapes and sizes and their place in the family, age and temperament will determine how they respond to sibling matters. Do not be too surprised when there are fall outs and they say how they hate their brother or sister. The parent’s role is to negotiate their way through these times which will always be changing. The fact that family dynamics are constantly on the move as children grow and family circumstances shift, reminds us that we need not get too stressed when there is a sibling blow out! It is amazing how their feelings towards each other will vacillate according to shifting circumstances, mood, temperament and wellbeing. Don’t be surprised when the pendulum swings from one end to the other.

Sibling arguments can be challenging, here are some helpful parenting strategies to ensure that navigation is as accurate and smooth as possible.

The parent’s role is to be the navigators through these situations. The following thoughts remind us not to worry too much, but to use some strategies to ensure that navigation is as accurate and smooth as possible:

When squabbles occur, remember to be an effective listener, but despite what you may think, do not take one side over the other.
Encourage them always to resolve matters themselves where possible. This is always the best option, but consider their age and capacity to work through the matter.
Try to be fair and just when discussing consequences. Make sure that the discipline given is understood and accepted by the child or children.
Keep in mind the age of your child. Younger children will not be able to comprehend the situation the same way as an older child can understand. Each child should be spoken to for age appropriateness and readiness to listen. This means that the nature of the discipline should fit their age.
Sometimes we worry far too much about their fights. Always check in with them as sometimes the dispute is already resolved and your involvement is not necessary.
On the positive side, having a sibling and learning to share, negotiate and sometimes compromise is a great way to learn life skills. So occasional fights and healthy resolutions can be a positive thing.
Remember it is your home and you set many of the rules. Sometimes they just have to go by the rules with no negotiation.
Being fair is so important as lack of fairness can build further resentment.
When talking about your children, avoid negative talk about one child in front of the other. This can be unsettling and misunderstood easily.
As a family, set up rules about how you deal with fights. Ensure fairness and listening to both sides is built into the plan.
Be aware that they see how you manage conflict with your partner, other children, family members etc. Your model is so important.
Always aim to problem solve. Invite both children to come up with ideas to resolve the matter and let them settle on a resolution where both needs are understood. Then check in later to see how it all went for both of them.
Remember that sibling relationships will include at times feelings of jealousy. Bickering is common and often they feel resentful. It is all about sharing affection and feeling that you have a fair share of family love. Try to give individual time to each child. It is amazing what you learn and your child feels happier being personally connected to you.
Pick the battles you think are necessary. Sometimes avoiding less significant issues means less conflict at home.
Always remain calm and steady when a conflict breaks out! Your emotional reaction can easily inflame a situation.
Try not to encourage competition between them. They are all different and celebrating differences is the key. Find time as a family to celebrate all their differences and make this a key feature of what you love about each of your children.
Being fair does mean that what they get does not always have to be equal. Teach them that there are different reasons for giving each child what they need. Remember siblings are the people you practise on in becoming a full human.
Plan family fun time together on a regular basis. This way, cooperation and happy moments together is valued in the family. When there is tension building with siblings, take them out for some exercise. Just breaking up those tense moments can defuse a situation. It’s all about being proactive and defusing potential conflict. Exercise is a great stress buster!
If you are giving some consequences to a child, don’t make it public. Embarrassment and feelings of being inferior in front of others can build long lasting resentment.

Finally, the fact that sibling issues occur across their family lifetime gives them the opportunity to grow in understanding important lessons in life such as forgiveness, tolerance, patience, empathy etc. Your strong presence in providing a climate where they feel they are dealt with fairly will fuel their emotional and social intelligence. This will help them forge strong effective relationships where they can live cooperatively with others.

‘Siblings: Your only enemy you can’t live without.’
Anonymous