It’s natural that our children don’t always talk about those things that are on their mind around us. Sometimes we are a little accountable for this as the way we engage with them is to over-talk or to answer for them.

As a parent, we feel so connected to our children, that we tend to sometimes talk for them which makes it easier for our children to simply stop talking. This can become a comfortable position for our children in which to hide their feelings.

Here are some simple steps to keep our children talking and feeling that they actually have the audience:

Here are 8 easy steps that can keep our children talking to us comfortably.

Let your child talk and try not to interrupt. Let them finally run out of words. Listen to it all and without interjections. Sometimes the way we interject stifles their talk and they will finish what they have to say far too early. If you are listening to them to finish what they have to say then the onus falls on them to tell all.
Listen with interest and say: ‘Keep going that sounds interesting’. Keep them aware that you are in the loop when they talk and that you have not disconnected from what they have to say.
Gently repeat a little to stimulate their conversation.‘So John was helpful when you fell. Tell me more.’ This gives them reassurance that you are listening to them.
If some of what they have to say is challenging do not react with a strong response. Let them say all that they need to say before you respond. Also before responding think about how you will talk the issue through together.
Sometimes sitting in silence is also a form of listening where words are not necessary. Never underestimate that silence says quite a lot.
Try not to probe with heavy or frequent questioning. It can sometimes sound damaging. Instead ask: ‘I am wondering how your project went at school.’ Here there is an invitation to talk and not an expectation that you will get an answer. This is less threatening to a child.
If you are an over talker try to slow down the speed in which you talk to your children and also use less words. Younger children especially, will only process some of what you said. So save that breath!
When talking to your child monitor your tone of voice. Lighter, less intense tones gives your child a feeling that all is well and that engagement with you is positive.

Finally, our conversations with our children can be a wonderful gateway to building healthy relationships. Keep the gate open and talk positively and simply with a twist of affirmation and reassurance in the tone.

‘Children have never been good at listening to their elders but they have never failed to imitate them.’
-James Baldwin