We all have values. We have them in many areas and they are often forged from an early age. Sometimes they are clearly defined. Sometimes they are subtle and we don't know we have them until we are tested with some issue. Our children learn values from us and as they grow they will challenge us in some of those values and that of course can cause conflict. We can call this value collisions.

The following thoughts are to help you reflect on the great influence that values have in relationships and to challenge you about how to deal with values that are different from yours.

Reflect on your values and think about how over the years you have modified and changed some values. Your child is growing and will want to test some of those values. Are you ready to be tolerant and understand that it is acceptable for them to challenge some of your values. Consider how you challenged your parents.
When you are accepting of a child's behaviour, all is well. When they challenge you, we need to think about that challenge and question what is the driver behind it all.
Sometimes you can have a value difference with your child and you can accept it. For example you may not like the way your child dresses, but you can live with it. These acceptable differences can be widened if you are open to talking to your child about what troubles you.
When you’re having trouble accepting your child’s choices ask yourself, what is my value here? Where did it come from and why do I want to keep it? If you value its importance, then you will need to clearly point this out to your child and work through a process of discussing why it is important and how together you can work through their concerns. This is all about negotiation.
Remember more discussion often leads to a closer agreement. By talking through the issue you may learn some new information which may influence your thoughts on the matter.
Sometimes through more discussion you become stronger in your position as conversation may clarify your thoughts.
Always try to have an open mind. In discussion with your child can you reconsider your values and accept some differences?
Sometimes people think that values are concrete. You can change your position on issues. This is all about growth and seeing the bigger picture.

Finally your child is learning about life from so many varied sources. They also have the influences of social media. It is a complex world with many varied and different values and opinions spinning around them. Your stable influence is so important. Your values will be taken more seriously by your child, if you demonstrate a capacity to listen to their opinions and on occasion find some compromise to allow them to experiment with different ideas. Your tolerance will pay off in the end.

“If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”

— Wayne Dyer