Strange title you must be thinking. However, this is all about the child experiencing feelings that make them unsettled and uncomfortable from time to time. This is all about strengthening their emotional growth.

We know that children grow existentially when they feel success, but this only comes after they appreciate failure and some disappointment. In my experience, as a Principal, parents who almost disallow their child from feeling disappointment are hindering their child's emotional and often social growth. By this, I mean when a parent tries to take the pain away by blaming others or taking over the problem. I appreciate that a parent must guide and protect their child from reasonable harm, but without some punches, the child will only expect the parent to solve the problem for them. This sets the child up for failure down the track. It also models to the child that they do not have to manage their affairs themselves.

I would be quite concerned when parents wanted a meeting, but insisted that their child be present. In some cases this went very well, but quite often the meeting was merely to show to the child that the parent would solve their problem for them. No surprises when I tell you these meetings I ensured were very short!

The following thoughts help build the child's belief in their own abilities to solve problems.

As a family, ask the child to chat about their problems as you are open to listen without judgement and certainly you are empathetic to their concerns. The key here is that the child isn't expecting you to solve the problem.
Talk openly about some problems you have had to work on over time.
In working with some children I discovered they became anxious about telling their parents as they were concerned that they would take over the problem and cause upset for them at school. Remaining calm and interested in the problem is the key.
Discuss optional ways the child could solve the problem but always recognising their ideas are very valid. Then give them a chance to “have a go.”
Applaud their efforts in self managing the problem,whether they succeed or not. This is about recognising how they develop their own strategies.
If they come back with the issue unresolved that is the time to discuss you engagement in the problem.

In my experience, once they succeed in working through an issue, they become more interested in solving the next problem. Success breeds success and the more a child self manages their issues, the more they attract like minded children.

Children who succeed in working through an issue, become more interested in solving the next problem.