Have you ever felt negatively about your child? Some parents tell me that they often feel guilty as they have negative feelings about their child. This is quite natural. What you are feeling is just a dislike for their behaviour which can be unsettling, embarrassing, tiring etc. What we need to remember is that it is just the behaviour and not the child that unsettles us.

When working with children, I often notice that the expression a child has on their face can influence whether people believe the child or doubt them. Sometimes these expressions can be misleading as they represent feeling insecure and uncertain. They do not often reflect that the child does not care about the behaviour. So I recommend not judging a child's expression as often it just reflects an inability to deal with the situation.

As a parent, think about the following when feeling unsettled about the behaviour;

I love my child but I don't like the behaviour, therefore, we talk just about the behaviour. "I really don't like what just happened. We need to understand what really happened so that we can move on.”
Always reaffirm the child after working through the behaviour matter. This reassures them that everything is back to normal.
Sometimes writing notes of reassurance gives the child a feeling that you have moved on. The note could say,” thanks for solving that problem that was on my mind. Now we can look forward to..........."

It is all about separating the behaviour from the child, reassuring the child that we move on from mistakes and grow through the process, maintaining a healthy, long-lasting relationship.

Don't like the behaviour? Remember, it's the behaviour, not child.