Boys and education

Educating boys is a wonderful exercise but it comes with its challenges.

Do any of the following statements ring true with you:

Are we asking our boys to?

Teaching and Raising Boys

• Sit still.

• Listen with intent.

• Be less aggressive when upset.

• Be more stable in their emotions.

• Manage their testosterone better.

• Be interested for longer periods of time.

• Be less noisy.

• Respond when spoken to.

• Show more interest in education.

• Be less distracted.

The list goes on as we think about how educating boys and bringing them up is thwart with difficulties and challenges. My response is a simple one. I just loved teaching and working with boys. In fact, if given the choice I would have loved facilitating a school of boys. They are just the most remarkable and interesting young people to teach. Let’s think about these observations that I acquired in my work with boys.

• I found boys loved learning with passion when they found something they enjoyed. Yes, it was hard to engage them with general material, but once the passion was there, the learning was extensive and at that point, boys really concentrate, stay focussed and even sit still!

• Boys will naturally get angry and their fighting at times can be quite spontaneous, very physical, noisy, most unattractive and unacceptable. However, they move on quickly once they deal with their anger and face consequences. Amazingly mateship and forgiveness come quickly. Boys don’t seem to harbour long, negative memories and are quite prepared to shake hands and move on.

• If you build a relationship with boys, they will open up and talk more freely. Once trust is built with a boy, you will find they will talk more openly to you. Otherwise, they can be cautious in disclosing their feelings and particularly closed about emotional matters. Keeping feelings closed is not mentally healthy for boys.

• Sensitivity is another important aspect of growing boys. Their behaviour at times may not seem to depict sensitivity, but they are very sensitive by nature and need caring at this level. We want our boys to be treated with sensitivity to learn how to display sensitivity.

• Often people notice that boys generally learn or seem slower in their learning to girls especially in the early years. It is a biological fact they are generally not as developed physically, intellectually and emotionally as the girls, which means that setting expectations for them in the early years as with the girls is not a success. They certainly accelerate in early teens, which also requires giving them emotional and breathing space, as they grow into young men.

• A boy learns so much from solid modelling from their parents and especially from their father. They learn by observation and will seek out models that they can identify with comfortably. Never underestimate that how you communicate with your boy influences how they present themselves to others.

• Friendships and peer relations can have an impact on how boys manage themselves. Be accepting and open to their friendships and show that you trust their judgement in forming friends.

• Set boundaries that are clear and reasonable. Clarity with boys is very important. From time to time you may need to negotiate a change with those boundaries.

• Of course, being active and involved in sports is such an important part of a boy’s life. They need to be active and teachers often find that teaching them in short sharp bursts is the best way for their learning. Physical activity and especially working in teams, is such a healthy way of life. It gives them balance to be active as well as passive.

 Above all enjoy your boy. Accept that they are quite different in how they approach the world to our growing girls. Do not necessarily set the same expectations for them as girls and celebrate all the quirky and interesting facets of your son that you discover. When you see behaviour that is unappealing, remember that you love the boy and the behaviour will pass. Your acceptance of them for who they are, will pay dividends as they grow into happy, capable young men.

‘I realise that despite my tiredness, my son has the most fun when I do things his way-wild and loud. Go Big or go home.’

@ powerful mothering.com

Understanding how boys learn

This is such a big topic and, in some circles, quite controversial. Basing it on my observations and speaking to teachers over the years there is a clear difference in how our boys learn. Some schools do considerable professional development in this area to guide their work in the classroom.  However, experienced teachers will tell you that how a boy learns in most cases is very different from a girl.

When parents brought in their pre-schooler to talk about starting school, it was evident at that early age that children had a clear sense of who they were and what they preferred to play with. No surprise the girls wanted to draw and the boys gravitated around building blocks. There are arguments that suggest that at a very early age, preconceptual ideas of gender are formed and both boys and girls will have already learnt about society’s expectations on them. This article is not to discuss the bias that is placed on gender formation, but rather to remind boys parents that there are certainly important factors to consider if a boy is to learn well. These ideas are not exclusive to boys alone but are my observations of boys learning over many years.

“I realise that despite my tiredness, my son has the most fun when I do things his way…
Wild and loud. Go Big or go home.”

— PowerfulMothering.com

 Consider:

• A boy will tune into learning if it attracts them. Providing lessons that are highly stimulating and interactive is a winner with the boys. This tells us that providing boys with short sharp experiences often is attractive to their learning style.

• Boys can distract easily if disinterested. Once distracted, they are hard to bring back to the core of the lesson. Teachers have the challenge of providing short sharp focus time to keep them engaged.  Understandably at home when you lose their attention, it can be quite a task to bring them back to focus. Perhaps try not getting angry too quickly, but rather understand that it is the nature of boys.

• Intermittent sport across the school day is a great way of keeping the brain active and the boys engaged. I always found longer lessons were not as successful for the younger boys. In lockdown I am sure families found less pressure after short bursts of playing outside.

• In many cases boys can find learning to read, a harder process to learn. This can also apply to writing. Teachers have to think carefully when encouraging boys to write. The more abstract the concept, the less absorbed they become. When younger, they need very tangible experiences with writing especially. Reading also needs careful selection of books, as often fantasy is not their interest. Stories that are concrete and tangible are more their choice.

• Keeping the boys engaged in lessons is the skill of the teacher. Care is always taken to be inclusive and tolerant of different ways that a boy can present themselves in a classroom.

• Providing activities that are tangible and concrete can really stimulate a boy’s learning. This is where problem solving in a class can be a highly sort out activity. Boys can very competitive and sport, games etc. is an excellent way to keep their energy levels satisfied.

• Sometimes boys take a little longer to form their letter formation well and to write uninhibited. Slow, gentle encouragement is important here. Giving boys small objects to play with helps with motor skills. Of course, using Lego is a well-chosen activity for boys who like to build, create, design and to see something tangibly grow in their hands.

• As a parent, try not to jump in too quickly to correct and discipline boys. They need time to process and you need to be sure they understand what you have to say. Perhaps there is some truth in that men are from Mars and women are from Venus.

• Boys value fairness and justice. They are quick to temper but from my observations they will forgive and move on with more speed than most girls. Mateship, connection and loyalty to friends plays a very big part in their life.

• The above simply highlights some features of boys which I have observed over the years. Parenting does require really understanding your child, being tolerant when necessary and encouraging where possible. As a role model, boys need to experience the full spectrum of positive values (love, compassion, empathy in parenting etc). Never underestimate the need to be gentle and fair in working with your son.

A great memory I keep is that one day two boys were sent to me for discipline. When I started talking to the boys they immediately wanted a negotiation.

“Look Mrs Smith it’s like this. We have made up now and we are friends. There is a footy game outside and we want to join in now. Can we do our consequences tomorrow?”

No surprises there were no consequences!