When you first have your newborn in your arms and the dependency is high, bonding seriously begins with the child. This bonding continues for many years and of course an important key to better parenting is to continue to build strong attachment to your child. What is also important to better parent your child is to ensure that you are a well balanced person. Sometimes with so much dependency with a child, it is easy to forget about honouring your own needs.

This is all about finding ways to rest and recover from the high demands of being a parent. The expectations on you are great and constant as a parent, especially as extra siblings appear on the scene. Giving yourself permission to escape the rigours of parenting for a short while, ensures that you come back refreshed and with a better perspective on your job as a parent. Just stepping out of the shoes of full time parenting can have such a positive impact on the whole family and especially yourself.

How you achieve this will vary from family to family. Some parents are fortunate to have extended family around. If this is your situation, I strongly recommend inviting them into your children's life. Time with grandparents, cousins, aunts etc is about providing a village for your children and takes some pressure from yourself as well as giving the child a broader world in which they can grow up. You do not need to be the sole person responsible for imparting values and life lessons on the child.

When I talk to parents who have had some personal time to themselves they will often give me the same response.

“I really missed my children but feel so refreshed.”

Keep in mind that by giving yourself some personal time you are giving the child a strong message about your own sense of self worth. The more the child sees the parent as an independent person with their own needs, the more they come to appreciate that you value yourself.

Having a break can be done in many and varied ways. It can be just having an hour to yourself when your young child is asleep. It could be a weekend away with your partner or friends. Some parents love going to the gym, jogging regularly,walking etc. Whatever relaxes and refreshes you, will reflect on how tolerant and capable you will be in managing parent matters.

Remember that you are progressively learning about parenting and the more you talk to others and step outside your all too familiar shoes, the broader you reflect on your role as parent. Parenting is much more difficult when you are not getting your own needs met such as stimulation, affirmation, affection, recognition etc. Our emotional stability is linked to maintaining a balanced life which can include our own personal time.

Talk to your child about how you enjoy relaxing and how it is important to you as this helps be a better parent. It is certainly easier to meet your child's needs if you also look after your own needs.

Once the child internalises that you sometimes enjoy some time to yourself, they are challenged to work out how this impacts on them and so they develop different skills in coping. They come to realise that their parent is a happier parent when having some personal time. Perhaps they can get involved in determining how you relax. This will give them some feeling of ownership about fulfilling your needs.

Strong, happy attachment to our children comes from mature parenting where there is room in all the family for everyone's needs to be met.

It is certainly easier to meet your child's needs if you also look after your own needs.