The big question, “But why?”
How often do our children ask us why? Often due to fatigue we just simply say “because” or “I said so.”
This response has a very short shelf life and the child will come back with more questions. The purpose of this article is to recognise that answering a child with honesty and truth is so important. If we do not offer reasonable explanations, it is common practice that they will seek answers elsewhere and this is not recommended.
Of course, younger children may ask many questions which can become tedious and repetitive. However, it is important to start the habit early of giving the child a reasonable response that is clear and accurate.
A noisy, questioning child is less at risk than a quiet child who shuts down regularly.
Keep your responses short and to the point.
Always check in with your child if they understood your response. Keep the question on hold if you can’t answer straight away.
If you do not know the answer then say so.
“I don’t know why that car is damaged”
If you do not have the answer but can find the answer later, just say so.
“I don’t know why the tree is damaged. I will find out and tell you later.”
Affirm the child for being inquisitive and show interest in the inquiring nature of the child.
“You have many questions. I can see how interested you are in so many things.”
Try not to shut the child down when asking questions, especially if they tend to repeat the same questions. This often means that they are still unclear about the reasons given.
The questioning is a normal part of growing up. The key point here is to let your child know that you value the question and will answer when you have the information.
This is all about bringing the child back to the same source, the parent when asking questions.
When working with children, it was important to listen carefully to the questions being asked as they were a key to how the child felt about a particular situation. It also was an entry point to talk about important matters.
“Tell me more about how you felt when that happened.”
Teachers use an inquiry method of teaching which is all about the child asking questions and working through the learning by posing questions.
“You seem concerned about your maths test. Do you want to discuss it now?”
When a child asks repeated questions about the same topic it could be a cue that they have worries or concerns that need to be addressed. Simply respond to the series of questions by saying,
“Something is on your mind and I would like us to talk about it when you are ready.”
Children asking questions give us a clue to how they are processing, what are their interests and what preoccupies their thinking. This is helpful in supporting their needs physically and emotionally.
A noisy, questioning child is less at risk than a quiet child who shuts down regularly.
Above all, give the strong impression to the child that questioning about the world, how they feel and what makes us tick are all part of being a healthy, mentally active child who does not feel the boundaries of controlling their thinking.
“Children will learn to explore when they are given the opportunities to do so and not given a reason why they cannot.”