Do you ever get frustrated when asking questions to your child? Do you get the yes, no answers? If you are seeking information from your child, consider the question you ask. Here are some tips to get some communication started with your child.
Read MoreDo you like problem-solving? Schools are all about problem-solving. Children are invited to pose questions and go through a process of exploring optional ways of learning about the matter. You could say that it is quite open-ended and some people who are more closed in the way they work feel that inviting questions is not the best way to learn. Whatever your thoughts, education is all about making inquiries and investigating and probing into issues. We are encouraging our children to be problem solvers, to accept that there are various ways to look at a problem and various ways to explore options.
As parents, this is an opportunity to support the child’s learning by being someone who doesn’t put all the answers in front of the child. Your role is to explore questions with your child. Asking questions and together reflecting on different ways to look at a problem. You have many opportunities as a parent to share in this method of teaching children.
Consider:
Schools, problem solving in The Primary Years
When you are together in the car this is a great time to explore ideas together perhaps about what you see outside.
Read some content of the newspaper to your child. Discuss some topic that lends itself to being seen from many angles.
Plan to have a weekly family discussion on some controversial matter. Remember to give your child ample opportunity to respond with ideas. If you watch some news together there is plenty of content there for discussion and general inquiry.
Tune into some of the work the child is doing at school that may involve a project on some topic. Notice how there are many questions being posed about that topic. Here you can join in with some ideas of your own.
In engaging with your child through an inquiry approach to ensure that you value their opinions and ask about their sources of information. After all, questioning leads to quite a lot of researching.
When you see the research that your child is doing on a set topic, tune in with some question’s about the nature of the research and how it fits into the whole topic.
With younger children, you can still explore with them many of the questions that they ask on a regular basis. They love the question…
“Why?”
This is a chance to explore different answers together.
These thoughts are simply to help parents tune into the nature of the inquiry approach which is all about showing an investigative attitude to all areas of learning. The more we question, the more we explore optional ways of looking at situations and problems.
“Questions are the engines of intellect. The cerebral machines which convert energy to motion, to curiosity, to controlled inquiry.”
That can be quite exhausting and as you already know I’m sure your children will ask many questions about all sorts of matters. Once the questioning starts it can be overwhelming and having all the answers can be difficult. Here’s the good news. You don’t have to be perfect! In fact, not knowing all the answers is an advantage.
The natural curiosity of children is quite special and I understand that as a parent we want to ensure that they are given as much information as possible. We want to encourage their curiosity and stimulate their thinking.
Of course, they will seek you out at a young age as the source of all knowledge which is wonderful!. They will trust your judgement and believe that what you tell them is the truth. This holds you in a very privileged position. In their eyes, you are the bearer of all truth and knowledge. Now how does that make you feel? Well at least responsible for treating their inquiries with respect and being honest in your answers.
This article is about supporting the questions asked by your children with truth and with honesty. This is the case when you especially do not know the answer.
It is best to be open and suggest that together you will find out about their concern.
“Thanks for asking me about how birds fly. That is a big question and let’s look up the information together’.
Here you are teaching your child that making an inquiry is acceptable and that there are ways of finding out the information together.
This is a much better response than creating an answer without validity.
Do you feel you have to be on hand answering every question perfectly?
If your child is asking questions about values and morality this is a whole separate field which involves personal views and opinions. There is information to learn but also given the value-laden nature of such questions, you can declare your opinions in a proper manner.
“I can see you are interested in understanding more about birth control. Let’s find out the different ways of managing it.”
Here you can offer your opinion. When you offer your opinions take care not to enforce your beliefs. They are more likely to be understood and accepted if you talk about them openly and without emotion. Remember, you are modelling how to learn about information so that bias and prejudice do not appear in the conversations. A child will listen with more interest and intent if your interpretation is fair and reasonable.
“Here is the information on capital punishment. Some people are very opposed to this as I am and If you like I can give you my reasons”.
Here you invite the child to hear your opinions. This has more impact especially on teaching the child about taking a balanced approach to some issues.
The beauty of sharing information together also teaches the child that you are a learner and have an inquiring approach to finding out answers. You are not threatened by new knowledge and are prepared to look at all sides of the issue.
Here are a few thoughts on helping your child with questions.
Be quick to look up the information together. If you are busy suggest saying:
“I don’t know the answer but later when I have time, we can look it up on the internet.”
Follow through with all questions. Sometimes only simple responses are necessary, especially with younger children. Longer explanations can sometimes get lost in their little minds.
To keep them still asking you the questions talk about how you like to find out facts and share some new insights you have learnt with your child.
Questioning is such a natural part of growing up. The more a child feels secure in asking you questions, the more they will come to you with their queries no matter how controversial. The more you present an open mind to learning new information, the more your child understands that asking questions is a natural way to learn.
“Life is an unanswered question but let’s still believe in the dignity and importance of the question.”
Sometimes we are caught on the hop. Have you ever experienced the pressure of children asking an important question and not having the where-with-all to answer? At the moment with so much anxiety around the community, it would be quite normal for a child to ask questions around what is happening at the moment.
Here a series of responses that you may find helpful when answering questions by your child that are really about their security and emotional safety in these difficult times.
These are sentence starters that you may find useful.
12 sentence starters to help answer your child's questions about Coronavirus
That’s a good question. The virus will make people sick and we take precautions to keep ourselves feeling well.
Remember that even though we hear some sad stories that can make us frightened, I am here for you and will keep you safe. That’s my job.
Once we know more about how to treat the virus, we will be able to help people quickly.
We can help by listening to what the Government wants us to do. They are advised by experienced doctors.
Yes, everything seems to shut down and it all seems quieter. That is a good sign as we are saying “no” to the virus which spreads when we are too close.
Being a little scared is normal as this is something new and we are all learning about it. I am here to learn with you.
I can hear that you are anxious about the virus. Let’s sit down and talk about all the great things that are making us starting to control the virus.
I love the way you read the signs on the door of the shops. You are being so responsible.
Mummy and daddy are here for you and will give some guidance on how to be safe.
When you have any strong feelings just let me know and together, we can work on them.
I sometimes feel sad about the virus too. We can feel sad together and talk about how we will get on top of it.
We have to be a distance from people. At home we are family and can be close.
Keep in mind that children are focussed on the present, so the day to day situations are more prevalent in their mind rather than the future.
Be prepared for some questions and when answering give some reassurance and hope.
Smiling and maintaining a happy disposition make such a difference to a child who relies on you feeling secure. Your disposition and careful answering of questions will have a big impact on reducing stress.
“Each day of our lives we make deposits in the memory banks of our children”
As an adult do you find it natural to ask for help? Do you find asking questions difficult?
Often, we excuse ourselves and treat it as a natural process to ask for help. We are not embarrassed or feel awkward. Of course, you can feel uncomfortable about asking for help. Generally as we get older we show more maturity about asking questions. It seems a normal response.
Children need to acquire the skill of asking for help and questioning. If they acquire this skill from an early age it becomes a natural way of operating and is understood to be the best and the most natural response when you don’t know the answer to any situation. I refer to its acquisition as a skill, so that we understand the very real value in simply asking questions and seeking help.
Some children, especially those that worry about making mistakes, can be reticent to ask for help. After all, does it suggest failure and a recognition to those around you that you do not know the answer?
What will people think of me?
Seeking help, asking questions should become a natural process of learning.
One of the most contemporary methods of teaching is the Inquiry Approach which is based totally around asking questions. In fact, the bigger the question, the better scope to learn. This tells us that asking questions is recognised as an important way of learning and living from day to day.
If you have a child reticent to ask questions and seeking help when needed, the following suggestions may help encourage them to see the value in questioning.
Talk to your child about how you like to ask questions to get more information. Highlight the time that seeking help solved your problem.
“Thank goodness I asked for directions on that trip. We would never have arrived on time without some assistance.”
“I asked your teacher how I could help you with homework and she gave me some excellent ideas. Without her help I would never know what to do.”
Talk about famous people who ask many questions to get their work complete. Scientists, doctors etc. are all professions that rely on gathering more information through questioning to help with their work.
When a child talks about a problem, list some questions that they could ask to get the problem solved.
“You seem unsure about that homework. Let’s think about some questions to get help from the teacher. For example:
1. When do you hand the homework to the teacher?
2. What part of the homework is the most difficult?
3. Is it better to spread the homework over several days?
4. Do you need more time to do this work?
5. Which part of the homework is the easiest?
Bringing questions into play is all about breaking down the anxiety about the problem. Ensuring that it is all manageable. Questioning and seeking help also is seen as a legitimate way of moving from not knowing to being informed.
When working with children who were reticent to ask questions or generally seek help in the classroom, we would turn it into a game. I would ask a question about a set problem and they would respond. Then it was their turn to ask a question about the problem. We would calculate who could ask the most questions about the problem we set down and who gained the most information.
Also affirming the child when they asked questions or seek help spontaneously is always a great tool used in the classroom. Try it at home.
“Well done, that question was a great one.”
“I am so glad you asked me to help you.”
“I like that question. It has got me thinking.”
Seeking help, asking questions should become a natural process of learning in which the child feels comfortable and invites others into their process of thinking. We feel less anxious and personally vulnerable when we seek help and question. Both a natural way of life.
“The art of proposing a question must be held of higher value than solving it.”
How often do our children ask us why? Often due to fatigue we just simply say “because” or “I said so.”
This response has a very short shelf life and the child will come back with more questions. The purpose of this article is to recognise that answering a child with honesty and truth is so important. If we do not offer reasonable explanations, it is common practice that they will seek answers elsewhere and this is not recommended.
Of course, younger children may ask many questions which can become tedious and repetitive. However, it is important to start the habit early of giving the child a reasonable response that is clear and accurate.
A noisy, questioning child is less at risk than a quiet child who shuts down regularly.
Keep your responses short and to the point.
Always check in with your child if they understood your response. Keep the question on hold if you can’t answer straight away.
If you do not know the answer then say so.
“I don’t know why that car is damaged”
If you do not have the answer but can find the answer later, just say so.
“I don’t know why the tree is damaged. I will find out and tell you later.”
Affirm the child for being inquisitive and show interest in the inquiring nature of the child.
“You have many questions. I can see how interested you are in so many things.”
Try not to shut the child down when asking questions, especially if they tend to repeat the same questions. This often means that they are still unclear about the reasons given.
The questioning is a normal part of growing up. The key point here is to let your child know that you value the question and will answer when you have the information.
This is all about bringing the child back to the same source, the parent when asking questions.
When working with children, it was important to listen carefully to the questions being asked as they were a key to how the child felt about a particular situation. It also was an entry point to talk about important matters.
“Tell me more about how you felt when that happened.”
Teachers use an inquiry method of teaching which is all about the child asking questions and working through the learning by posing questions.
“You seem concerned about your maths test. Do you want to discuss it now?”
When a child asks repeated questions about the same topic it could be a cue that they have worries or concerns that need to be addressed. Simply respond to the series of questions by saying,
“Something is on your mind and I would like us to talk about it when you are ready.”
Children asking questions give us a clue to how they are processing, what are their interests and what preoccupies their thinking. This is helpful in supporting their needs physically and emotionally.
A noisy, questioning child is less at risk than a quiet child who shuts down regularly.
Above all, give the strong impression to the child that questioning about the world, how they feel and what makes us tick are all part of being a healthy, mentally active child who does not feel the boundaries of controlling their thinking.
“Children will learn to explore when they are given the opportunities to do so and not given a reason why they cannot.”