Sometimes words stick! Especially if they are offensive.

The old saying:

“Sticks and stones will break my bones but names will never hurt me” …

Remember, children don’t always hear the whole sentence and can take in one word only.

Totally untrue! I would say that most issues on the school yard that ended in fights were caused by the use of inappropriate words, simply name calling.

In my experience angry, upset children who were cross with their parents, teachers or friends would talk about the words that were used against them.

“Don’t be silly. The answer is in the book”

“You play footy like a monkey. You walk funny.”

Now in each of the above statements the person speaking would naturally deny that they called a child a name. Actually, all the child heard was the name and that made them feel very uncomfortable and hurt. They quickly identified with the name.

“That was a silly thing to do. The lid was clearly on the bench.”

All the child hears is that they were called “silly” while the person making the statement would say that they referred to the act of being silly and not the person. Too late! All that is heard and interpreted is the word “silly”.

Teachers often find themselves in a dilemma with students if they slip in their use of such words. They take care not to use words like silly, dumb stupid etc. as the child takes on the message that it refers to them.

Here are some common words we often use in our language. These are words which children internalise and consequently feel poorly as a result. Once the word is heard, the rest of what is said falls short.

Words such as silly, dumb, stupid, ugly, ridiculous, lazy, careless, selfish, ignorant. I have heard children complaining of all of the above words being used on them.

Using words that are internalised by the child, even though you were not intending them to be personalised are often remembered for quite a while with children.

It is best to take the safest route with children and avoid such words in your conversations no matter in what context you were using them.

You would be surprised how quickly those words do hurt them and chip away at their feelings of self-worth.

“Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will definitely hurt me!”