Fatherhood comes in different forms as families are varied in shape size and structure. Some are fortunate to have their father present in their life most of the time. Some children, due to changed family circumstances have intermittent time with their father. Either way, the child needs and desires to have their dad in their lives. Having reduced time does not limit their desire to be around their father.

A child in the early years feels secure in themselves, if they have a strong image of both their parents in their mind. A father brings his own dimension to the life of the child. He sees the world from his own perspective and a child wants to understand and model all the various characteristics they see in their father.

Children need to feel physically connected to their dad.

When we celebrate Father’s Day for some older people, it is a memory of lost opportunities with their father and it can bring our feelings of regret and grief if they had not satisfied themselves in feeling connected to their father. This article is simply to recommend some ideas to strengthen relationship with fathers and to remind us of their value in the life of the child.

As a family, find times when dad just simply spends some quiet time with their child.

In the same vein spending very active time with dad is also exciting as often the child feel connected to the things that makes dad happy. For example, fishing together, bike riding, hiking, camping etc. Sometimes doing these busy and active activities is a great source of joy a child can have with their father. Often little conversation is necessary.

The gentle side of being a dad can be seen by reading with your child. Also enjoying a movie together, playing games are all quite passive times where a father can talk to their child over a range of matters. It is important the child travels with their dad in various ways and as time passes, they begin to reflect on the role of father. The child grows to understand how multifaceted the role can be.

Showing interest in the child’s school life and being present at school-based activities means so much to the child. They are very aware of how much interest their father shows in their education.

A child will also notice how their dad works and operates in and through the family. They observe how they relate to their mother and other siblings. In so many ways, a father is modelling to a child their important role in the life of the family. They are particularly modelling the man’s perspective on life.

Both boys and girls also reflect on how their dad connects to all that is important and valued by the child. Children are quiet observers of their father and internalise how their dad responds to them. Their memories are long and their image of dad grows and matures overtime.

Being demonstrative as a dad is also important. I appreciate that we live in sensitive times but children need to feel physically connected to their dad and cuddles and hugs are much valued. They also demonstrate to the child that their father can express emotion easily.

In working with children, it was common that when talking about family, a child would be very inclusive in their discussion of parents as they valued the role of dad equally as with their mother. No matter how less they saw their father, they still gave them equal footing in importance in their life.

Sometimes having the responsibility of being the father brings with it a feeling that you must always be in control. It is fair and reasonable to talk to your child about times when you had issues to work though in your life. A child respects and desires the authentic parent. They do not expect them to be invincible, but instead very real and present in their life.

I appreciate that we live in times that present many options for the child in terms of what constitutes a family. No matter how society presents family, the child loves and values the presence of their father in their life. As they grow and look for role models, they are especially keen to really know their father and to identify with him.

In all the years working with children, it was very clear that a child’s knowledge and feelings of security with their dad were vital in understanding their sense of being in the world. Having a strong presence in the life of the child is such an enriching and fulfilling process for the child.

“We need fathers to realise that what makes you a man is not the ability to have a child, it’s the courage to raise one.”

— President Barak Obama.