As a parent we think about so many aspects of our child. Will they grow well? Is this the right school for them? What if they don’t find friends? What if they don’t eat their vegetable and so the tedious list of worries morphs into bigger worries as the child grows.

It can be exhausting for parents. The weight and fear of the unknown can be quite a burden. Often our caution lends itself to over protection.

When introducing new families to school at prep I was always curious to hear of their worries for their child. I think back to these same parents as we farewelled their last child from primary school. How often we laughed together at the innumerable fears and anxieties parents held about their children in earlier years.

Take note, I am not suggesting that genuine interest and natural anxieties should not be the norm for parents. I am saying that sometimes we over worry and put long term fears into our anxiety about our child. By doing this we become focussed on wanting to prevent or solve the problem before it happens. This sets up barriers to development. The other concern is that our fears influence how we engage with our children and sometimes this can impact on our relationship with them. A common fear that I often heard from parents was

“If my child is not successful at……. they will lose their confidence forever.”

This is clearly not so!

Afterall, does worrying about the unknown, long-term future have any purpose?

This article suggests that we should think more about the short-term issues with children. If handled well, the longer-term issues take care of themselves. As the child takes on more independence, they do not seek out our involvement in solving problems, or making solutions for them. They simply want the right to own their own experiences. When working with children I would sometimes put it to the child

“Do you want mum or dad to solve this for you?”

In most cases the answer was “no”. The child would rather go through the struggle than have their independent right to solve the problem taken from them.

In the light of this information, I put it to parents that worrying over your child excessively is simply a waste of time. Putting this energy into being joyous about your child’s development is better use of family energy and has a positive, healthy effect on the child.

Life changes, your child may go in different directions and show completely new interest where it wasn’t before. These are just some variables and surprises out of your control.

Concentrating on the here and now and the practical issue is easier on your well being and does not inflate the possibility of bigger problems. It is actually quite the reverse.

So, I suggest put all your worries about your child into a much smaller, more manageable basket and wait with excitement and anticipation for all the twists and turns that will be part of a child’s development.

Be optimistic and excited about the unknown challenges that lie ahead for your child and the new challenges that this presents for you personally. This is so necessary for your well-being as a developing parent and life consultant to your child.