How often do we get the timing right or wrong with our children?

It is amazing how dealing with issues at the right time can make such a difference with children. Also, with adults being approached when you are in the better frame of mood is more likely to be successful for all concerned.

Children are also prone to having better times and less suitable times in which to discuss important matters. Often we mistake a no response for meaning they don’t know or care. This can be completely missing the mark.

We all know that bedtime which is a quieter period is a great time for one on one talks.

Do you feel like your child is not listening to you?

Sometimes in the rush of the day and in the moment, when we want solutions or answers, we press our children for a response. Sometimes this is not forthcoming and can result in frustration all around. The beauty of choosing the most effective time means that you are more inclined to be successful in getting the best response. Think about yourself for a moment. When you are feeling unwell or your mind is on important matters, you show less interest in being responsive to other people’s questions and requests. In fact, we can become quite irritable at the demand that is put on us at that time. Similarly, children have the same response.

Here are some tips on how to use timing to your advantage:

Consider how tired the child is at that time. Tired children listen with less interest.
Is your child well enough to give you the response you want?
When asking an important question reflect on how much input there is around for the child. Are they focussed on other matters perhaps watching their favourite television show etc? A preoccupied child is not a great listener.
Choose times when the child is relaxed and not too focussed. Some parents find asking questions while driving children in the car is an excellent time to get a response.
When seeking out some information, phrase your question in simple terms without emotion. If you are feeling quite emotive about the matter in hand this is not the right time to get the best response.
Ask questions when you are feeling ready. If you are busy and loaded with emotional agendas this is not the best time for a child to give you what you need. A child is quick to pick up your pace and will give you a safe response.
Happy times is also a good time to step into the realm of questioning. If a child feels relaxed and happy, they are more responsive in their talk and feel less vulnerable.
If your child is feeling pressured over different matters this is not the best time to talk about extra issues, they can wait. A mentally overloaded child will simply shut down or demonstrate poor behaviour when it all gets too much.
When considering when to ask tricky questions, ensure that you have built a positive framework or platform with your child. This may mean affirming them and acknowledging their contributions when you talk about matters.
If the environment around you is noisy and busy consider the suitability of the timing. Everyone including children and adults do not respond well with too much environmental noise and disruption.
If you ask an important question and you get a negative response just remind yourself that for some reason your child is not ready to respond. Perhaps say:

“It seems not the right time to talk about that at the moment. I will chat with you later.” This also gives the child some preparation in thinking about their response.

If you have several issues to talk about with your child only try talking about one issue first. Children process information quite differently using a different pace. Overloading questions all at once will give you no satisfaction with the response you receive.
Remember not to become too frustrated when you choose a time and it doesn’t work out. We are not mind readers and sometimes a child just needs some space and we need to respect that fact.

In working with children at school, timing was everything. You certainly knew when you had failed by the look and response of the child. It was necessary to respect all the various influences that came into the daily life of the child and measure the best time to engage in important conversation.

It is also worth thinking through what and how you want to ask your child questions. Planning when to talk to them is all about using effective timing to suit both you and the child.