How best to talk to your children
The language we use and how we talk has a huge impact on how a child; firstly, responds and secondly, feels that they trust what you have to say. Your words, expressions and how you deliver messages to your child are significant for a child to learn how best to communicate for themselves. It is natural to just chat away, but this article invites you to learn and reflect on how your talk can influence a child’s perception about themselves. You are a big driver of building self confidence in your child. The quality of your conversation will directly impact the child’s response and how they interpret what you are saying to them.
Consider the following thoughts that may give you some guidance into how you can best communicate with your child:
Always talk with optimism and a sense of hope built in. Children find this reassuring and they gravitate around such talk.
Find good times for conversation. Meal times are great for family conversation and discussion about everyone's day. Take care not to ask too many probing questions. Don’t be on the rush or distracted when you are in for a good conversation with your child.
Your child will really open up when in a relaxed uncomplicated setting. This could be taking a walk together, sometimes just listening in the car while driving works as well.
Try not to interrupt what they have to talk about, listen with interest and add an occasional, ‘Hmm that sounds great. Keep going.’
Give them good eye contact and only ask questions that will keep their conversation going. Acknowledge that you enjoyed talking together and look forward to more talks.
Don’t set unrealistic expectations when they start to talk, sometimes boys take longer to get going and usually need to be active while talking.
Talk is more likely to happen when they feel comfortable. This could be in their bedroom or bath time etc. Timing is everything to get the best from conversation.
Enjoying conversation is not a game of manipulation. Should your child think that it is all about gaining certain information, they will shut down.
Watch your tone of voice and keep it consistent throughout the conversation. A change of tone can suggest to a child that you are showing some disapproval. This will definitely shut the conversation down. Listening is not about making judgements.
Try not to take over the conversation. Once it is hijacked the child will go quiet.
Respect the fact that your child may not want conversations in bigger groups. Find the best climate where your child will comfortably chat with you. In this area know your child.
Always let the child complete what they have to say. If you tend to interrupt and take over the conversation, they no longer will own the content.
All of us from time to time don't have much to say. Respect the fact that your child may be perfectly at peace in not talking much for a while.
If your child starts a conversation and you find that they go quiet, allow time for them to finish. Sometimes putting thoughts together can be difficult. Some children, especially younger ones, need more time to process thoughts.
Keep in mind that a child has the right to be heard. The more we give them their independence in talking for themselves, the happier they are and the more personally confident they grow.
We know that strong oral language feeds into effective reading and writing.
Finally, sound communication should be a normal part of being a parent. Your child should feel confident that you enjoy a conversation and you are especially interested in hearing what they have to say. This is all about developing young individuals with opinions, confidence and believing that what they have to say has value.
‘The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice.’
-Peggy O’Mara