Careful about jumping to conclusions
We all tend to jump to conclusions from time to time. I believe it is part of our mental defence against getting hurt in any way. When we do this in front of our children, we teach them that a quick reaction is the best and most likely accurate response, which we know often is not. Read on for some tips to help us to stop jumping to conclusions and teaching our kids by example some better options.
How often do we immediately have an answer for something? Sometimes when we hear news that can be unsettling, we can spontaneously jump to conclusions. Often this can lead us straight to the negative, and we skip the whole idea of looking at the issue rationally and logically. We all tend to do this from time to time. I believe it is part of our mental defence against getting hurt in any way.
When we do this in front of our children, we teach them that a quick reaction is the best and most likely accurate response.
Consider:
When we feel like jumping to conclusions, a good response is simply to slow down, take a breath and reflect before saying too much. Remember what we say are powerful messages to our children.
Sometimes your child might hear about something happening at school and immediately jump to a negative conclusion for them. This is a great opportunity to teach them to stop, take a breath and talk about the issue. After a discussion, the issue often does not seem so bad and rational conversation can happen.
Consider just learning to stop and think before jumping to a conclusion. It is all about training yourself to slow down and reflect. Initial silence, rather than a quick response, allows you time to think it through more carefully. Your child will get to know that this is how you respond to news. You carefully process it and then talk about it.
When you jump to conclusions, it can often lead to wrong assumptions that require you to reverse your thinking. However, in the interim, you have made statements that may have been better left unsaid. Using the skill of stopping and thinking first, shows your child that being cautious before interpreting something is the best and least harmful way to go.
Jumping to conclusions is all about feeling that the worst is about to happen. This is anxiety, and we need to train ourselves to stop thinking the worst all the time. Our children need to see that the worst is not always the case, and through simple reflection, we can rationalise things better.
Finally, keep the knee-jerk reactions to a minimum. Train yourself to feel calmer and, above all show your child that all is not negative when you take a good hard look at it. The world is still a beautiful place.
‘Snap judgements often lead to regrets for those whose only exercise is jumping to conclusions.’
Recite... Piccsy .com
Time to remind yourself that being a parent is a wonderful experience
A reminder to cherish the wonders of being a parent.
Unconditional Love: Being a parent allows you to experience a deep and unconditional love for your child. Something unique and special develops between you and the child. It is precious. It is irreplaceable. You own it.
Example: Seeing your child's smiling face when they wake up in the morning or hearing their laughter when you play together fills your heart with pure joy.
Milestone Moments: As a parent, you get to witness and celebrate numerous milestone moments in your child's life. You are part of it and you can take pride in all your contributions over the years. Each achievement becomes a source of immense pride and happiness.
Example: Capturing the moment when your child takes their first step or saying their first words creates memories that you'll cherish forever.
Sense of Purpose: Parenting gives you a strong sense of purpose and meaning. Nurturing and guiding a child through life's challenges allows you to make a positive impact and shape their future.
Example: Knowing that you are raising a compassionate, kind, and responsible individual who will contribute positively to society, fills you with a sense of purpose and fulfilment.
Having a child in your life reignites the wonders of life through a child’s eyes. It awakens in us the child we were and it invites us to share in simple joys and pleasures. It clears the cobwebs that can develop as we plough through our adult life.
Example: Watching your child marvel at a rainbow or discover the beauty of a butterfly can remind you of the wonders that often go unnoticed in the hustle and bustle of adult life. They awaken in you the child and that is liberating.
Learning and Growing Together: Parenthood offers continuous opportunities for personal growth and learning. As you navigate the challenges and joys of raising a child, you gain valuable insights, patience, and resilience. Having another individual in your life that relies on you, needs care and understanding will demand from you your absolute attention. There is no escaping building tolerance, understanding, empathy etc.
Example: Overcoming sleepless nights, mastering the art of multitasking, and learning to be patient during tantrums are all experiences that help you grow and become a better version of yourself.
Emotional Satisfaction: Parenting brings immense emotional fulfilment. The love, laughter, and moments of connection you share with your child create a deep sense of happiness and contentment. How emotionally satisfying it is to see yourself in your child.
Example: Embracing your child in a warm hug after a long day or hearing them say, "I love you, Mom/Dad," can instantly fill your heart with overwhelming joy and gratitude. Enjoy those special little moments. They come spontaneously and frequently.
Creating Life Memories: Being a parent allows you to create lasting memories that you and your child will cherish throughout your lives. From family vacations to everyday adventures, these moments become the foundation of a lifetime of shared experiences.
Example: Going on a family road trip and exploring new places together, or even simple activities like baking cakes and having picnics in the park, become treasured memories that you can reminisce about in the future.
Building Strong Bonds: Parenthood enables you to build deep and lasting bonds with your child. The connection you form with them becomes an unbreakable bond that provides a source of strength, love, and support. You take them from dependence to independence and you build foundations that are unique to you and your child.
Example: Sharing quality time with your child, engaging in conversations, and being there for them during both good and challenging times strengthen your relationship and create a lifelong connection.
The journey you share with your child is likened to weaving a tapestry. There will be various shades that brighten and darken the work. Sometimes the weave will be thick and full of texture, and other times lighter and softly woven. It builds into a magical imagery of your life shared with your child that has been created lovingly over the years.
‘We never know the love of a parent till we become parents ourselves.’
-Henry Ward Beecher
Nurturing Emotional Intelligence in Children: Emphasising Emotional Care
Parenting tips on how to emotionally care for and support your child to help nurture their emotional intelligence.
As a parent, your emotional world has a profound impact on your child's emotional intelligence. By providing emotional care and support, you can help your child develop stable, consistent, patient, and reliable emotional skills, enabling them to navigate the world with greater understanding and empathy.
Here are some practical suggestions to help nurture your child's emotional intelligence:
Teach Emotional Literacy: Use age-appropriate language and concepts to help your child identify and understand their emotions. Engage in activities such as using emotion charts, role-playing scenarios, or storytelling to encourage your child to express and recognize their feelings effectively.
Cultivate Mindfulness: Introduce mindfulness practices to your child, such as deep breathing exercises or guided meditation. Encourage them to appreciate the present moment and help them incorporate mindfulness into their daily routine. For example, you can have a mindful minute together before starting a new task or enjoy a brief morning run, appreciating nature and its surroundings.
Foster Social-Emotional Learning: Encourage your child to learn valuable lessons from their everyday social experiences. Teach them to consider different perspectives, be open to others' opinions, and practice inclusivity in their thoughts and actions. Engage in meaningful discussions about their interactions, to help them develop empathy and understanding towards others.
Promote Empathy-Building Activities: Share ideas for activities that promote empathy, such as engaging in perspective-taking exercises, participating in community volunteering, or collaborating on group projects. Discuss how these activities can help your child understand different viewpoints and develop compassion for others. Consider joining a group or organisation together to reinforce the value of empathy and caring for others.
Teach Conflict Resolution Skills: Guide your child in resolving conflicts peacefully and constructively. Encourage active listening, compromise, and problem-solving discussions when conflicts arise, such as those between siblings. Use these moments as opportunities to practice simple conflict resolution techniques, helping your child develop valuable skills in managing disagreements.
Be a Positive Role Model: Serve as an influential adult who models emotional intelligence for your child. Demonstrate empathy, self-control, and effective communication in your interactions with others. Be mindful of your own emotional responses and provide a supportive, nurturing environment that encourages your child's emotional growth.
Remember, nurturing emotional intelligence is a gradual process that requires emotional care, patience, and wisdom from caring parents. By exposing your child to emotionally mature adults and providing a safe and loving environment, you empower them to interpret the world with greater empathy, understanding, and resilience. Hence they become more emotionally mature.
‘Children are not things to be molded, but are people to be unfolded.’
- Jess Lair
How to get the best from your child's teacher
Read some suggestions on how you could plan a productive time with your child’s teacher.
Teachers lead a busy, demanding, life and each day presents a range of challenges that can surprise them in so many ways. Being in tune with the teacher and sensitive to the changeable nature of their day can mean that you get the best from your teacher when you want and need a chat with them.
Here are some reflections that might help you plan a more productive time with the teacher.
Sometimes talking about matters on the hop at the classroom door can be frustrating for you and the teacher. Gauge how busy the teacher is, if you wish to approach them at the beginning or end of the day. Sometimes this can be not the best time to resolve matters. You may leave feeling quite frustrated. Respect the business of that time.
If you have several matters to discuss, I recommend writing a list. Three points at the most. Make an appointment with the teacher. This way they are better prepared and more relaxed to chat.
Take care if you have an issue regarding an incident in which your child was involved. Talk as though you appreciate that your child may have some accountability in the issue. There is nothing more frustrating for a teacher when a parent doesn't take a balanced approach. Your teacher is very astute at seeing how your child works and operates around their peers. You want and need an honest appraisal of the situation.
If you are meeting to talk about concerns, ask about the positive aspects that your teachers see in your child. This is always important for a teacher to talk about the aspects that they really love about their students. This changes the tone of a meeting in a heartbeat.
Occasional notes to your teacher thanking them for noticeable care of your child goes a long way. You can imagine that many of the parent calls they receive are always about problems.
Helping in the classroom also creates a positive, more authentic relationship with your child’s teacher. Here they are prepared to be public with their teaching and your confidentiality and professional approach goes a long way to building relationships.
Remember that if you have concerns regarding some matter in the classroom always address it to the teacher first, not the Principal. This shows loyalty and trust. Obviously, if the problem is unresolved then you could take it further.
Try not to write long emails that are all about a concern that has unsettled you. These can be quite frustrating to teachers and if written late at night, a teacher can find them quite intrusive and in some cases intimidating. If unsettled about something, deal with it in the morning and make that appointment. Sometimes waiting some time can get you to reflect more reasonably on what is best to talk about. Angry emails only complicate the situation.
Teachers spend an amazing amount of time with your child throughout the year. It is a privileged position and gives an amazing insight into your child. Trust what they have to say and support their work throughout the year. In this way, your child and yourself will get the very best from their school experience.
‘Your children need your presence more than your presents.
-Jesse Jackson.
How best to talk to your children
Communication is key. Here are some parenting tips for effectively communicating with your children.
The language we use and how we talk has a huge impact on how a child; firstly, responds and secondly, feels that they trust what you have to say. Your words, expressions and how you deliver messages to your child are significant for a child to learn how best to communicate for themselves. It is natural to just chat away, but this article invites you to learn and reflect on how your talk can influence a child’s perception about themselves. You are a big driver of building self confidence in your child. The quality of your conversation will directly impact the child’s response and how they interpret what you are saying to them.
Consider the following thoughts that may give you some guidance into how you can best communicate with your child:
Always talk with optimism and a sense of hope built in. Children find this reassuring and they gravitate around such talk.
Find good times for conversation. Meal times are great for family conversation and discussion about everyone's day. Take care not to ask too many probing questions. Don’t be on the rush or distracted when you are in for a good conversation with your child.
Your child will really open up when in a relaxed uncomplicated setting. This could be taking a walk together, sometimes just listening in the car while driving works as well.
Try not to interrupt what they have to talk about, listen with interest and add an occasional, ‘Hmm that sounds great. Keep going.’
Give them good eye contact and only ask questions that will keep their conversation going. Acknowledge that you enjoyed talking together and look forward to more talks.
Don’t set unrealistic expectations when they start to talk, sometimes boys take longer to get going and usually need to be active while talking.
Talk is more likely to happen when they feel comfortable. This could be in their bedroom or bath time etc. Timing is everything to get the best from conversation.
Enjoying conversation is not a game of manipulation. Should your child think that it is all about gaining certain information, they will shut down.
Watch your tone of voice and keep it consistent throughout the conversation. A change of tone can suggest to a child that you are showing some disapproval. This will definitely shut the conversation down. Listening is not about making judgements.
Try not to take over the conversation. Once it is hijacked the child will go quiet.
Respect the fact that your child may not want conversations in bigger groups. Find the best climate where your child will comfortably chat with you. In this area know your child.
Always let the child complete what they have to say. If you tend to interrupt and take over the conversation, they no longer will own the content.
All of us from time to time don't have much to say. Respect the fact that your child may be perfectly at peace in not talking much for a while.
If your child starts a conversation and you find that they go quiet, allow time for them to finish. Sometimes putting thoughts together can be difficult. Some children, especially younger ones, need more time to process thoughts.
Keep in mind that a child has the right to be heard. The more we give them their independence in talking for themselves, the happier they are and the more personally confident they grow.
We know that strong oral language feeds into effective reading and writing.
Finally, sound communication should be a normal part of being a parent. Your child should feel confident that you enjoy a conversation and you are especially interested in hearing what they have to say. This is all about developing young individuals with opinions, confidence and believing that what they have to say has value.
‘The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice.’
-Peggy O’Mara
Learning about being responsible
Responsibility is a part of our makeup and challenges us throughout life. Here are some parenting tips to positively introduce responsibility to your child.
As an adult, we understand why responsibility is such an important part of our makeup. Without it, as an adult, we cannot survive. We learn also over time that different responsibilities come our way and this challenges us in new and sometimes difficult ways. I always remember bringing our first child home from the hospital and thinking, how can I look after this little individual? I don’t have the skills. Fortunately, she survived and I learnt quickly. This is how developing new and challenging responsibilities comes our way.
For a child, it is all about learning that responsibilities are actually important and that this may mean some sacrifice, compromise, etc. It is about learning that responsibilities must be understood and followed through with and there is often regularity to responsibilities. All of these learned traits take a while for children to grasp. I am sure you have had some issues with getting your child to take on and keep up with responsibilities. It just takes time and perseverance.
Teachers will automatically assign responsibilities to their class so that the classroom functions well. They can be rotating duties or they can have a responsibility for the whole year. These responsibilities work well because the child learns that they are accountable to others for their actions.
Here are some thoughts on helping your child learn responsibility.
Firstly, take care that if you give your child a job, they follow it through. Don’t finish the job for them as this teaches them that responsibilities are not genuine. Show them that it is a satisfying thing to finish a job yourself.
A child having a pet is a great responsibility and one that cannot be part-time. If you take this on, make sure your child is mature enough to take on this responsibility.
Talk about all your responsibilities and how you work through them during the week. Maybe there are some that are short term and others, long term, (like being a parent).
Before your child takes on a responsibility make sure they understand its length and breadth. Often younger children do not have a sense of time and become overwhelmed or disengage earlier. The responsibility should be age appropriate and should have the satisfaction of completion.
Take care when a child shows an interest in a sport such as tennis lessons, gymnastics etc. can they see the term through, finishing halfway is not honouring the responsibility to the program.
Always affirm your child when they complete their responsibilities. They need to know that it is a job well done and has impact on others in the family.
As a family, plan weekly chores and at the end of the week thank your child for their completion. Jobs such as setting the table, putting bins out, putting toys away etc. are all responsibilities that need attention.
Teaching your child that they own the responsibility is important. They need to know that others rely on their actions and without the job done others are affected. This is why it is important that they complete the task even if it means some inconvenience on your part.
If a child is irresponsible, try not to be simply angry and disappointed. Sit them down and listen to why they could not complete the task. Give them the opportunity to explain. Perhaps it was too much, perhaps they did not realise its importance etc.
Finally, build into your teaching about the responsibility that if they fail the child learns to blame no one else but comes to accept responsibility themselves. This is quite a mature concept but one to work towards. This is all about building strong foundations in emotional intelligence.
“It is not what you do for your children but what you have taught them to do for themselves. That will make them successful individuals.’
-Ann Landers
Slow down and gain more time. It makes for better parenting and personal growth
Life is always busy, especially during the Christmas and holiday season. This blog shares a reminder to parents to slow down and spend time with your child.
There are so many varied reasons why slowing down is almost impossible when living a busy life as a parent etc. However, should you learn some skills to slow down, who knows, you may regain some precious parent or personal time. In small ways, it may be possible to reclaim some time and to enjoy your child just a little bit more. Childhood moves quickly and soon we will be looking back and wondering where did the years go, did I parent well? What did I miss?
The following thoughts may trigger some thinking for yourself in finding strategies that can simply help slow you down a little to smell the roses with your child:
When feeling stressed, take your mind to a place where you were very happy. Think about it for a while and you will be surprised how it eases some tension.
Think about the pace that you keep. If others demand more of you, consider if that it’s fair and reasonable. Why should I change my pace which works for me? Everything has their pace in life. Be comfortable with yours.
Take little moments of time out. Step into the yard, look at the flowers or simply enjoy the breeze. Those moments are great to reduce moments of stress.
Try not to over plan. Leave some space, just for space itself. It certainly is easy to fill, but question is that really necessary?
Your children are a great source of learning for you. The more you play with them, the more you become relaxed in their company. Allow it to just happen and enjoy the moment.
Physical exercise is such a stress breaker. Even simply walking is life giving and takes your mind in fresher and healthier directions. Choose physical exercise that suits you.
When we worry about something it can consume us. Let me ask you….. can you just let it go? Does worrying improve the situation? Do things change for the better when you worry? When you have those feelings simply look to your child. They are a warm, happy feeling.
Are there some times when you can just stop the business and rest. Turn down the lights a little and reduce the pace. It can feel better because there is less.
Some people like being busy with their hands and finding creative things to do. Giving time to chat with friends is a great stress buster. What do you like to do that makes you happy?
Is it possible to give your self a full day off? How about half a day? Find a little more time for yourself not to do busy things but to enjoy yourself in your own space.
Sometimes doing less and focusing on doing those things really well gives us more satisfaction. Being busy and doing more is a formula for lack of satisfaction in all areas.
Are you tired from lots of talk? Busy conversations can be tiring and it is healthy to rest from talking. Maybe you can find some time to talk less, listen to music, walk etc.
Think about two or three things that give you pleasure. Can you spend more time around those things. Be generous to yourself. Everyone likes a massage, but we can massage our sense of well being by having more of what makes us happy.
Parents develop excellent skills in feeling guilty if they put themselves forward. This can be so destructive to well being, which after all, needs to be strong and constant to be an effective parent. Your personal well being is essential.
Finally, your child wants you well and happy. They become quite anxious when they see you unsettled and under pressure. They need to understand that your needs should be nurtured and that being a parent is balancing act between focusing on family and looking after yourself. That way everyone learns and benefits all round.
‘The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another.’
-William James
What to think about at this stage of the school year
This school year is coming to an end. Here are some parenting suggestions to prepare and positively embrace change with your child.
Everyone is starting to feel the weariness of a long school year. The talk is out and about that the school year is coming to an end and what surprises will this bring to the school? There is a growing sense of anticipation about finishing and also this brings anxious thoughts about change and what will it mean to me.
Perhaps you the parent have had some unsettling moments at the school this year and you feel in yourself the desire to bring it all to a close, which is natural.. For a child, this is a time to think about what they want to hang onto and what they want to let go. Mixed messages and emotions can run high.
The following thoughts may help you plan a little better with your child in getting ready for the school closure:
Remember that a child will become anxious about losing friends to another class. This is an excellent opportunity to talk to them about establishing new networks and building on current friendships.
Teachers will plan the classes based on many factors, but I always have faith in their mature ability to put the best in place. This may cause some emotional challenges for your child, but try to let the school make these decisions as attempting to influence who your child associates with are thwart with problems. Growth happens often with the child meeting new friends and learning new ways to communicate.
Talk about change as a positive thing and as a family, talk about all the positive experiences that come from change. I was always fascinated when new children started at the school throughout the year. In most cases they not only found friends quickly, but actually blossomed under new structures and rules. Our children are more flexible than sometimes we give them credit.
Teachers will discuss and ask your child who they would like to be placed with in the new year. This is a great conversation to have at home. A great way to talk about how change can be exciting at a social level. It also touches on who they think is the best person that helps them keep focussed. This may not always be their best friend.
If your child is starting to get anxious about the change, have a chat with their teacher. They do great work in this area to help children adjust to change.
If your teacher has had strong bonds with their teacher, letting them go can be hard. However, talk about that teacher’s strengths and what you look forward to in the next teacher. Positive talk is the key here.
Saying goodbyes well is an important art to teach our children. Discuss how your child will say goodbye for the year and how they will express themselves when they say goodbye. This is a great chance to talk about manners and to reflect on all the generous support given to your child over the year. Let them create positive and effective ways to say goodbye and thank you. There will be many small occasions to think about where someone helped your child during the year.
As it is a time for closure, ask your child to be responsible and bring home all that is necessary. Let them be responsible for keeping you in the loop about school events etc. Their ownership here is so important.
Try not to have days where school is skipped because everything is winding down and not being in attendance doesn’t matter. Bring the school year to a glorious closure, where your child’s attendance is seen as important and a statement about the total value of school. This teaches your child about the responsibility of regularity.
Above all, enjoy the closing weeks of school and together, as a family, discuss and celebrate all the highs and lows that are a natural part of school life. Maybe there are some reflections on things that your child will change in the new year? This leads to great discussions about self-improvement, setting goals etc. Whilst they are important, so too is the approaching feeling of warm, summer days and rest for all the family.
‘Don’t cry because it’s over.
Smile because it happened.’
-Dr Seuss
Keeping the stress level down is a great asset as a parent
Stress is a natural part of life, especially when you're a parent. Here are a few ways to reduce your stress level for yourself and your child.
Have you noticed that parenting, being an active person and managing a family can be stressful? Stress is a very natural part of everyone’s life.
Here’s the thing! You will be a more effective parent if you can learn to lessen the stress that can so easily creep into your life. Also, you will feel happier, which is such an important component in the business of being a parent. Your body is not meant to be on alert in a constant crisis mode, as unrelieved stress can impair so much of your faculties.
Think about how the following skills which can be gradually learnt or built into your daily routine. At the very least understand them as common factors that can increase stress levels.
Consider:
Are you quick to respond to stress? Do your reactions to stressful situations increase or reduce your feelings of well-being? Is it best to remove yourself from some situations to reduce the stress in your life? Sometimes it’s best to read the signs and walk away from such situations leaving yourself in control.
Are you a person that is always in a rush? Is that rush all about succeeding, doing the right thing or just trying to be in control? Remember, too much rush can mean you stop listening and miss the best part of life.
Are you inclined to make issues bigger than they are? Easily done when gossip and unhealthy discussion is around. Try to put things into proportion. In time, everything passes and all will be well.
Are you inclined to be a perfectionist? Striving for perfection is exhausting and never satisfying especially around children. Start to accept and appreciate that life is all about ups and downs and this is normal.
When there are anxious times do you need to handle them on your own? Try asking for help and building confidence to ask for the help you need. You do not need to fight battles on your own.
When you are compassionate, you are more aware and sensitive of others. This can lower your feelings of stress. Feelings of compassion and gratitude take you into a more gentle and appreciative framework.
Recognise the negative self-talk which can creep up when feeling poorly. This is especially the case when you are feeling tired. Keep feeding yourself positive “I” Statements.
‘I am really good at….’
‘I am talented at…..’
‘People like my….’
Focus on how you are an achiever.
You don’t need everyone’s approval nor do you need to please everyone. Take care to understand why you feel tired trying to please everyone.
It’s a well known support for stress but it works. When feeling anxious simply take slow deep breaths. Allow the time and feel stronger from the silence and pace of the breathing.
Mindfulness is all about savouring the goodness of the moment. A focus on this can distract from the moment of anxiety.
Be mindful that you need to create some personal interruption free time. This gives you time to simply catch up.
Try physical exercise on a regular basis. Simply walking daily is so therapeutic.
Do something creative for yourself each day. Your spirit is lifted when being creative.
Take a walk into nature. Feel the wind. It lifts the spirit. Keep nature close at hand. It’s such a friend to the spirit.
Humour is a great healer. Find laughter and humour in your daily experiences.
These are all ideas to help you work on reducing stress. Your child will quickly recognise you are working to control stress to be a happier person. This is all good modelling. Remember we are human and our best efforts as parents are to provide a model of a parent working towards feeling and being better.
9 Tips about how to help your child love learning
Learning is a crucial part of life and the development of a child. Here are nine simple parenting tips which may encourage learning for your child.
The whole learning process for our children can be considered without a doubt, a family affair. Research over many years tells us that the more parents are interested and show an inquiring attitude to their child’s learning, the more successful the learner. You are after all the child’s first teacher. From infancy through to young adulthood, your child will depend on you physically, emotionally and socially. Challenges will come their way but you still remain a primary source for their learning and developing a passion for learning.
On many levels, you set the stage for understanding the value and richness of learning. Sounds like a tall order, but your work is done slowly and steadily over the years. It is not an overnight job and the more you take it on as a serious part of your role, the more likely the child will be engaged in their learning from a younger age.
Here are some simple tips that help us along the way from infancy through to well…. Adulthood:
Establishing a daily routine is important. Build it into all the expectations of the day and understand what school requirements are to be considered in your plan. Setting up a routine includes providing a quiet spot for them to learn at home. Consider the background noise issues, lighting and of course interruptions like younger siblings.
Regular conversations about school each day can keep the dialogue going in a positive way about what was learnt, achieved or found interesting. Remember this is not about an inquisition into the school day, but a gentle interest in what the child learnt or did in their time. Sometimes you may get a response, sometimes that may not happen.
Set tasks for your child that are manageable and within reasons. You can help them set goals in doing jobs at home. Also help them balance their homework time, play time and reading time. Teach them that the more they plan and balance their time, the happier they will be. Point out that by being organised, they get the recreation and play time that they want and deserve.
A most important aid in helping your child become a true learner is the modelling you give them. By your example such as reading, writing or being active in a range of learning activities, the child sees that this is the way to go. When you play as a family be intuitive and choose activities, games etc. that have a learning component to them, but at the same time they are fun. Learning to link fun and joy is the best way forward for a child. Also be an inquirer. Teach your child that asking questions is important. Have various ways of seeking information through books internet, conversations etc.
Set high expectations for your child, but make them achievable. A child needs to feel inspirational, but not have unreal expectations placed on them. Be proud of their efforts and affirm how hard they try to achieve their goals. ‘I am so impressed with all the effort you put into learning about elephants. You must have got so much good information.’
Be aware of their special talents and praise their uniqueness in all sorts of ways. Every child has unique gifts. Spell them out often.
Be proud to show their work to other members of the family. Learning is about a celebration of knowledge and achievements in many forms. We demonstrate that all learning should be boldly acknowledged.
Encourage overall development. This can be through their physical efforts, intellectual efforts, artistic endeavours etc. Show your child that there are many ways of achieving success in learning and you recognise so many of them in your child.
Be a connector with the school. This shows your child that you value their learning space throughout the day. Connect to libraries, take your child to museums, places where creativity and adventure are alive. Keep an eye out for opportunities that introduce new concepts and open their minds in different ways. Show your child that you enjoy discovering new ways of seeing and understanding the world.
Finally, the learning process over the years is slow and steady. At times it will accelerate as different teachers and circumstances excite the imagination. Your role is to be the constant, everyday reminder that learning is an ongoing and life-giving experience. It is a growth that keeps developing all your life if the foundations teach you well. Be the ever-present learner in the life of your child.
‘Once you stop learning you start dying.’
-Albert Einstein
Choose your battles. That’s the best win.
When raising a child, it is important you pick your battles wisely. Read some parenting tips you may find helpful in these situations.
Sometimes being right is not always the best outcome for the situation. Naturally, the feeling of being right can be overpowering and we feel compelled to set everything on the right curve. After all, if you know what’s right, you naturally want to do the right thing.
Actually, we need to think beyond that and realise that choosing your battles will actually empower you better, when working out issues with your children. Resistance comes fast and furious if you are the one with all the answers. Children learn to shut down, not listen and sometimes work in a rebellious way.
Knowing which battles to fight and which ones to leave is a powerful lesson.
Consider:
Is winning all the time teaching the child any lessons? Sometimes allowing them to decide even though mistakes are made is a great learning lesson. If your child thinks you are always right and have the answers, how will they ever learn themselves? Here the child becomes dependent on the parent and never seeks answers and solutions for themselves. This is a dangerous direction, leading to very poor self-esteem and I might add poor school performance.
By demonstrating to your child that you don’t have all the answers and sometimes you let things go, teaches your child the very human face that you present to them. It is a wise parent that sometimes lets things go.
Remember that some battles are quite insignificant. Consider whether or not it is important to win small victories. Often these are insignificant but can mount up if you are out to win all battles.
Children learn the art of avoidance very quickly if they have dominant parents that seem to know everything. It is much easier for them not to discuss matters with you. Silence, when used, is a great trick or developed skill. Your child will feel happier not going into battle over matters that they know they will lose. This sets a dangerous precedence and your child will seek out their needs elsewhere.
When a battle is brewing and you think it is important to bring up, go gently into active listening. Hear their concerns. Try to resolve the matter with some understanding of their needs. Negotiation is the best way forward and will lead to their confidence in approaching you again.
Think across a day, a week, a month etc. and try not to go into battle too often. It is habit-forming. Try walking away, counting to ten, practise some deep breathing. Find strategies that will reduce your anger and invite more reflection on whether it was worth the battle.
After you learn to be more intuitive with regard to what is worth the battle, you may find yourself relaxing more and not taking everything so seriously.
Finally, your relationship is not about the battles won but the battles that need to be avoided and the relationship that strengthens by less confrontation.
Some children will press your buttons more than others. Think about what is the driver in their behaviour that makes you so upset. Try to reflect on ways around that and it may be by counting to ten, breathing slowly or simply walking away. Quick reactions leading to control can only reduce your healthy relationship, so be alert to how your child interacts with you.
‘Choose your battles wisely because if you fight them all you’ll be too tired to win the really important ones’.
-The MindsJournal.com
Tiredness can be a killer at times
This blog provides helpful parenting tips when tiredness is affecting parent and child communication, read more.
This is just a brief reminder that tiredness can be an enemy in building relationships at times. When we are tired our capacity to think straight, our interest in doing things well and our ability to pay attention are down. When we are like this and more vulnerable, we are more inclined to damage and neglect relationships, which then leads to the need to recover and repair.
Teachers who are skilled in understanding their levels of tiredness choose to teach according to how they feel. I always remember coming to school one day with no voice! Not a sensible thing to do. The children then decided to have a silent day! Well, it worked, but in hindsight, I should have been at home resting. A teacher will redirect their planned work if they are not feeling up to the mark. This flexibility is a responsible way of managing your work and ensuring that your performance fits how you feel.
Consider:
When you are tired, debating issues with your child can be a lose/ lose scenario. Delay such a plan. Nobody wants to go into damage control if possible.
Being tired leaves you open to say things more loosely. It can also quicken your temper. Nobody wants to go into damage control while tired. Remember that things said take a while to unravel.
Do you really listen to everything with clarity when you are tired? Take care not to agree to certain matters while tired. You could regret that later. Children can be very clever in choosing their time!
Sometimes it is easier not to be too present with your child on that day when you are feeling tired. This is being proactive and avoiding conflictual situations. Are there others that can deal with the matter?
Your child may not understand that tiredness affects your judgement. This is especially the case with younger children. Tell them that when tired, it is not the best time to discuss important matters. Tiredness limits how you can best help them.
Sometimes our comprehension of situations can be dulled when tired. Try not to make important decisions with your child or final statements when not feeling ready.
Do not be too hard on yourself if you feel that you just can’t deal with your child’s issue at that time. You are human and respect the fact that you want to give the best to your child. Being tired is not the best time.
‘I am feeling a little tired now. Can we discuss that matter later today?’
The more you let your child understand how you feel, the more likely they will be to approach you when ready. After all, they also want the best from the conversation and especially to be really heard. They learn quickly to choose the best time to satisfy their needs.
‘The worst thing about being tired is the negative twist of perception’
-Rosamond Rice
How to motivate your child to learn
Motivating your child to learn can be quite challenging, here’s a few parenting tips on how to keep your child motivated to learn inside and outside of the classroom.
This can be a challenge for some children who can lose motivation at school and find the whole exercise of school just too much. They can develop a flight or fight mentality to escape school or simply disengage, which is such a frustrating and helpless experience for the family to understand. Merely encouraging them or advising them about the advantages of school does not make a great deal of difference. In fact the more we talk about it, the more they can feel a failure in your eyes and further reject school.
Consider the following ideas to help motivate a child about school:
• Develop at home an atmosphere where learning is seen as a good thing. Talk about how you learn and what you enjoy when you want to read a book etc. Keep reading alive at home as we know that being able to read is a key to being happy and successful at school. The process of learning to read helps keep the brain active in processing information and communication. A child who reads will have less problems being motivated at school. Reading excites the imagination and keeps the interest high in learning.
• Encourage your child to be independent in their learning. Try not to put controls on them or limit what they must learn. We now know that children learn in all different ways and this creative process should be encouraged. Give them choices and affirm what they choose to learn. A motivated child will always want to follow their passions.
• Keep the conversations going and keep them frequent. Make them positive and full of reassurance and confidence in their efforts. Listen to their opinions and applaud creative thinking. A child needs to feel that how they learn has value and that what they have to say is important. They may challenge you in the way they think but that is OK!
• Notice the uniqueness of your child and home in on their interests. Sometimes their passions and interests last a short while, sometimes they last forever. Either way, your child needs to be supported in those interests and made to feel that their passions are powerful and valued. Help them to discover more about their passions. Perhaps if fishing is their interest go to the library together and collect books on fishing.
• All children learn differently. Any teacher will tell you this. Don't be critical of their learning style. Allow them to discover their best way of learning. When we force their hand at changing how they learn, this can destroy a child’s confidence and they can begin to doubt their ability to learn.
• Consider sharing games together. They are a great family activity but also reinforce that learning is a successful tool in playing games. A child works out that to be successful at the game they should try harder and understand more.
• Remember that the process of learning is what is important. Reward and acknowledge the effort, not the outcome. Remember that a child looks for your approval and is more motivated by your acceptance of their efforts rather than how they were successful. If absolute success is your goal, a child will become anxious about rising to meet that challenge. This is where disengagement can happen.
• Every child has strengths. It is easy for us to see our weaknesses and so important for a child to feel success through their strengths. Teachers are very good at picking up on this in class and will focus on a child’s strength to give them reassurance that they can easily learn. It also makes children less anxious about their weaknesses. This also teaches a child that failure is part of life and that we use it as a means to learn. Focusing on their weakness only shrouds them in a sense of failure and disengagement from school is not far away.
• Be a learner yourself and use opportunities around you to engage your child in learning. This is about developing an inquiring mind. Learning is catchy and your child will see you as someone helping them to develop an inquiring mind and to be curious about all sorts of things.
• Children can from time to time lose some motivation at school.
Remember they are children and may need time to simply rest a little from formal learning. Your teacher has an excellent knowledge on how your child learns and I would recommend you speak to them when motivation drops off.
‘There is nothing in a caterpillar that tells you it’s going to be a butterfly
-Buckskin Fuller
A few tips to get you started in term four
The school year is quickly coming to a close. Here are a few parental tips that can assist your child with their final term of the year. Read here for more information.
This is quite a special term in the school life. There is generally a very comfortable atmosphere in each classroom. It is also a term that talks about putting closure on the school year and that can come with excitement, anticipation or some anxiety about letting go of what they have built up all year.
Here are some thoughts about the business of term four that you may find helpful:
• Teachers come back to term four with plans of finally testing the children. October is a time when this may start and teachers will be now preparing for those final tests that will be the backbone of your child’s school report. If you are planning to be away, best to talk to your teacher about their testing plans.
• Some children can become a little anxious as there is much talk about change for the new school year, class lists, being with friends and leaving their teachers. Also there can be rumours about who is leaving and discussion that is not healthy about what teachers you should not get for the new year. Try to avoid any negative talk around the school and reassure your child that the best will be put in place for the new year. Anxious talk leads to anxious thoughts.
• Term four is also a celebratory term and there will be parties and fun activities planned for the school and class. Keep in the loop as to what is happening at the school and how you can be part of the end of year functions. After all, the school is an important part of your life as a parent.
• Keep the conversation going at home about the change that will come at the end of the year. Some children need to be given more reassurance that the change will be a good thing and that they will grow from the experience.
• Towards the end of the year some children become anxious that they may not be placed in the same class as their best friends. Here I would recommend talking to your teacher about this issue as in many cases a change is exactly what may be needed and your teacher may have very good reasons why this is the case.
• Avoid writing letters to the school about why your child should be with a certain friend or teacher. Conversation is the best way to go forward and the teacher can give you a fuller understanding of the best placement for your child. This means placing trust in the school. They understand so well the dynamics of a classroom.
• As the term progresses, talk to your child about how they want to farewell the year at school. Perhaps writing letters to friends and teachers. It is a wonderful time to reflect on the year and to be grateful for all the positive things that have happened. This is all about teaching your child to be reflective and say farewell gracefully.
• Parent teacher interviews will be important if the school holds them. Write down all the questions you have and bring along your child to the interview. It is a very successful way of formally thanking the teacher for the year spent with your child. It will also help you put closure on the school year which has had a very big impact on your life.
Enjoy the term it will be a busy one and it will go quickly. Just keep talking to your child about how they are feeling with regard to the closure of the class and the prospect of change. Affirm their great efforts of completing yet another school year. Their end of year feelings should be a mixture of excitement, anticipation with a little bit of expected anxiousness about the unknown. This is a healthy mix!
Finally this quote from A. A. Milne is worth talking to your child about:
‘How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.’
‘What feels like the end is often the beginning.’
Unknown
Help your child to accept and enjoy their differences
Children's uniqueness is a crucial part of who they are as individuals. Read some parenting tips to consider on how to embrace and positively encourage diversity.
As our children grow through various physical, intellectual, social and emotional stages, they are seeking out their identity and at times they feel dissatisfied with what they feel about themselves. Simply put, this is all about growing up and working out who you are in life.
One important aspect in the life of a child is their ability to identify with others, establish friendships and feel happy and fulfilled in the company of their friends. To this end sometimes a child loses some of their own identity to be part of the group. I would suggest that an important role for parents is to gently remind their children that they have a unique aspect to their personality and this can be embraced and should be celebrated.
This is all about teaching your child that they are different to other people and that this difference is what makes them special. It is about encouraging your child to like their differences and embrace them rather than absorbing them into some peer group image.
I appreciate that being part of a peer group and identifying with others is an important part of growing up. As a parent, there are a few strategies that you can use to help develop in your child a strong self-perception that can still sit comfortably alongside a sense of being part of a peer group.
Consider:
When you spot occasions where they demonstrate their uniqueness talk about it and discuss how it is such a positive aspect of your child’s personality. ‘I am so impressed at the way you care for your dog. You certainly are a compassionate and caring person. A great quality to have!’
Your child’s teacher will know exactly how unique your child is and I am sure they can tell you some great stories about how they operate in class. Learn about these unique qualities and tell your child how proud you are to hear about their differences at school.
From time to time you may have occasions to write notes to your child. This could be a Birthday card, Christmas card etc. Refer to their uniqueness and the special differences that you notice in your child. It is all positive reinforcement. Nothing is wasted in adding little reminders of their differences.
Talk about when you notice how their differences have made an impact in some way to others. There is nothing more satisfying than recognising how a person’s differences can influence and help others.
Sometimes talking about differences can set you apart from others. As a child matures, the more they understand that their differences make them who they are, the more they are inclined to value their uniqueness and like who they are becoming. Just keep gently and intermittently reinforcing that their differences are a gift.
Talk about people that you know and respect, that shine by nature of their differences. I am sure your child can easily talk about their heroes and what makes them different.
Your child can talk about their friends and they can easily identify what makes them stand out as different. This is worth a conversation at home from time to time. Children love a discussion about their friends.
When you are having parent-teacher interviews, it is normal that your child attends. This is a perfect time to talk with your teacher about the wonderful differences your child has demonstrated across the year.
Don't be anxious to repeat affirming your child’s uniqueness. It will really sink in and become an accepted part of the child’s character.
Children use their observations to work out how to treat others and how others should treat them. We can support their developing observations by highlighting differences that are important in life.
When children notice differences between people, this is a time to talk about them and to highlight that differences make the world an interesting and colourful place. It is a time to dull the potential of bias and racism. It is a time to grow in the knowledge that difference makes the world go round.
‘In diversity there is beauty and there is strength.’
-Maya Angelo
Learn to complete things - an important lesson for our children
Not completing things is a form of self sabotage where you may get bored easily and literally stop short of being successful. It can be very habit forming and a way of dealing with things that just seem too hard. Sound familiar? We are all guilty of it, but we can play a role in teaching children how to follow through and make decisions to commit and see something through.
Not completing things is a form of self sabotage where you may get bored easily and literally stop short of being successful. It can be very habit forming and a way of dealing with things that just seem too hard. It also means that you leave many loose ends that can make you feel quite unsatisfied. Giving up before reaching the finishing line is a sure way to defeat confidence and it repeats itself. Starting projects can seem exciting at the beginning, but ploughing through the hard stuff, often leads people to quickly give up. Now consider your child. How much easier is it for them to give up when it just seems too hard.
It’s important to teach our children to finish what they start.
Consider:
If your child gets excited at the prospect off joining a sports team, tennis lessons, swimming club etc be prepared to talk through the length of the commitment as often children struggle to understand that there is a time frame that you must adhere to and honour your commitments.
Help your child with managing the commitment as there is often a waving off time when a child wants to pull out after the initial commencement of the program. Keep on talking to them about the positive outcome of completing and try to explore how obstacles can be removed from the path of completing the task.
Ensure that you do not have too many commitments on the go with your child. This makes it easier for them to pull out because of excessive demand. Smaller goals and less of them is more likely to be successfully completed.
Affirm your child when they demonstrate that they show commitment to some project. Applaud the endurance and effort and especially the celebration of completion. Teachers often issue certificates of completion as they understand this has merit to a child who will feel good about themselves seeing the certificate.
Being a completer of things shows that you are developing self discipline so demonstrate to your child how famous people with strong self discipline succeed. I immediately think of Ash Barty who has been a wonderful model to young Australians. Her recent retirement from her successful tennis career was all about completing her goal of winning the Australian Open. Once done, she now moves on to other goals.
Talk to your child of positive reasons for finishing tasks. This can be starting with small tasks. The more a child builds success from completion, the more perseverance they develop in keeping up with finishing projects.
Children will easily give up a task if they think it is not good enough. This starts from an early age where a child will walk away from a drawing, painting etc. Here we start the habit of teaching them that completing the work makes for success and it is all about having a go and completing the activity. Often a parent could give a young child a small reward for, demonstrating that they finished what they started. This is all about good conditioning from an early age, establishing patterns that are set for life.
Finally, nobody wants to stifle the enthusiasm of a child when they discover some passion or interest in a project they they would like to start. However, we do need to gently outline the lengths and parameters of what they are taking on to avoid disappointment and a sense of failure when incomplete. Perhaps we can find supportive ways to help them complete tasks and of course to affirm their ability to demonstrate completion. Nothing more satisfying then to complete tasks and I guess this is what we would like our children to feel.
11 ways to help your child become settled and have the best opportunities at school
Read here for 11 ways to help your child become settled and have the best opportunities at school.
Always trust the school. If you have doubts those doubts will translate into concerns for your child very quickly. If you have concerns talk to the school but take care about how your child interprets your concerns.
Be diligent in checking notes sent home which are mostly electronic noways but it is most important to attend parent nights. Of course, parent-teacher interviews are a must.
Be available to help the school in various ways. This can be a simple as manning a stand at Fair time through to being on the school board. You learn so much more by connecting to the school this way.
Support homework expectations. This does not mean doing the homework but providing a climate at home that enables the child to do their homework. If they have significant difficulty contact the teacher as homework is the responsibility of the teacher who set it.
When your child leaves for school in the morning ensure they are ready mentally and physically. Have they had enough sleep, eaten a good breakfast and left without emotionally unresolved matters to deal with at home? Are they walking to school, riding etc? A child ready for school makes a great deal of difference in their day’s effectiveness.
At home demonstrate how organisation is important. Keep the balance right. A child that lives around structure and routine will have a better balanced week and feel more in charge of what they are doing. This also includes checking on after-school activities that need to be balanced with sleep, homework, play etc.
By reading the school’s website you become more familiar with all the rules and regulations. This is helpful especially when an incident occurs and you need to understand how the school plans to handle the matter. Staff are regularly in serviced on their policies and procedures and when dealing with children will refer to them regularly.
Keep the conversation of school alive throughout the week. Children need to see that you value their school experiences and it flows into the family psyche. Positive family talk around the richness of school life and its influences on a child’s life, should be the order of the day.
Keep the home environment alive with learning material around the house. Demonstrate that books are available and in sight. Leave school notes on fridge and use dinner time as a chance to talk about the day at school.
Demonstrate to your child that you are proud of their school and impressed with how it helps your child learn. Talk out loud to others in front of your child about the school and the teachers. All positive of course. This builds reassurance for the child that they are in the right place and much valued by you, the parent.
Finally, be in touch regularly with your child’s teacher. In this way communication channels are always wide open and having a relationship with the teachers gives you more opportunities to be in touch with everyday matters.
‘The beautiful thing about learning is nobody can take it away from you.’ B.B.King
The value you have to your child
We appreciate that we are important and that we hold great responsibility and balance of power in taking care of our child. I wonder how often we think about the value we give to our child.
Dr Seuss said “To the world you may be one person; but to one person you may be the world.”
So often as a busy parent we forget about the value we have to our children. We appreciate that we are important and that we hold great responsibility and balance of power in taking care of our child. I wonder how often we think about the value we give to our child.
Dr Seuss said
“To the world you may be one person; but to one person you may be the world.”
Our busy lives strip away the sentimentality and time for reflection on such matters. However, stop for a minute and think:
You make such a powerful impact on the developing life of your child. This then reminds us to take care on how we model ourselves and what messages we give to our children.
The things you value will be initially valued by your child. After some time, they become more scrutinising but are greatly influenced by what you value in your life. For example, if you value being neat and tidy this will be a strong message to your child about how to live.
Your well being is so important if you are to be a parent of much influence with your child. A healthy happy disposition shows your child that personal care is taken seriously by you and strongly valued.
If you are so heavily valued by your child, remember that being authentic is showing your child that you are human and make mistakes, recognise difficulties, celebrate good times and do the best you can. When we aim to be perfect it usually goes pear-shaped and this gives a confusing message to our appreciative child.
A helpful way of looking at it is to imagine your child grown up. What do you think they will think of you? Will they have a very distinctive way of looking back or will it be a mixed memory of how your acted and treated them. Think of your own parents and that journey. By focussing on this thought you realise that we carry images of ourselves into the future and you want them to be memorably happy moments. After all, you were for many years their heroes. They valued what you had to offer them.
In working with children one of the clearest messages I received from children was how they knew their parents. To them, they were an important anchor and bearer of truth. Your word was taken seriously even though some behaviour may have suggested others. This almost spiritual value that you hold as a parent is quite sacred and such a precious parental gift you have been given. Use it wisely so that your child will carry forward all the lessons taught and learnt. They will discard some but they will value many as an adult and especially as they begin to parent themselves. Where else will they get their examples from?
‘Children learn more from what you are than what you teach.’
-W.E.B DuBois
Being a mum - something to think about
I have learnt some precious realities in watching mums raise a family, live with it and through it, suffer all the hardships, carry the weak moments and rise above the troubled spots. Now that’s being a mum!
Over the many years of being a principal and having such deep involvement with families, I have huge respect for the role women play as the mother in the family. Yes, it has a special place in everyone’s heart. I have learnt some precious realities in watching mums raise a family, live with it and through it, suffer all the hardships, carry the weak moments and rise above the troubled spots. Now that’s being a mum!
As a treat and a time to reflect on your importance and value, consider the following awareness that I have acquired watching and observing mothers over the years:
No matter how the days and weeks pan out, you are still a pivotal point in the life of your child. That is an absolute.
Across the day, a child thinks and talks about their mum quite often. Mums are very much part of their daily thinking in and out of school. Thoughts of their mums rarely leave their consciousness.
Have you ever seen how your child looks at you? Those powerful glances where they seek your approval and know that therein lies ultimate truth. They can rely on that truth.
When your child is annoyed or irritable with you, it is often because they don’t like the fallout with someone so precious in their life. Their balance is skewed and they want you front and centre in their consciousness.
Your journey with your child will have many roads and some a little challenging. Whatever the path, it is a journey that you share together and is precious to you both. Along the path, there will be troughs and smooth paths but together you will navigate the best route forward in rain and sunshine. Just follow that yellow brick road!
The unconditional love you have for your child has such incredible potential. Are there are many things where unconditional love is valued more? Your child knows this feeling and gains immense feelings of security and well-being from it.
Being a mum should be fun and even though it can express all the emotions from fatigue to anger, joy to sorrow, would you have it any other way? Try to build in more fun. Nothing happier than to see play and joy between mother and child.
That little individual you have given birth to will, one day independently take part fully in life. Your influence in this is immense and lasting. But remember if you hold onto their hands too long, they cannot come back to hug you.
Once a mum always a mum and then a grandmother and then just a powerful wisdom long lasting in the life of the family. What a treasure you become to so many overtime!
Your journey as a fully rounded individual must be attributed in part to being a mum. Think of all the lessons in life you have learnt since becoming a mother. Your rich sense of compassion, empathy, astuteness, selflessness etc. must have all been stimulated by what you have learnt along the way, especially during motherhood.
Finally, find time to celebrate your motherhood. Have a special bath, a glass of champagne, an extra run in the park, whatever makes you happy. You deserve it and thanks for helping to shape good mankind.
‘Being a mother is about learning about strengths you didn’t know you had.’
-Linda Wooten
Take care with the word we use. Remember sticks and stones can break those bones!
Consider how we speak. How do we use our words? Are we quick to say things off the cuff or are we more precise and careful in how we speak? Our children hear not only what we have to say but how we say it. They quickly pick up the intonation and sense our mood, intent and temper in our conversations. This blog is to invite us to reflect a little more deeply on how we present ourselves to children through our words. Do we want them to see us a controlled person or one who speaks with thought and with judgement in how we speak?
No question about it, children will be attracted to the parent who speaks calmly and is approachable and not so quick to temper. These are parents who choose their words carefully.
Consider the following:
How we speak gives a message to our children about how we approach life. More words are not always better than less, more meaningful words.
We want our children to engage with us over many topics. The more controversial, the less likely they will approach someone who speaks quickly, jumps to conclusions and can be quick to respond with strong opinion. Even using highly articulate words can be intimidating to a young child. By them not understanding the words can more unsettling.
Remember, ‘Words once spoken can never be revoked.’ (Horaci 65-8BC)
The advice here is about realising the power and potential damage if words are used with intent to hurt. By stopping and thinking before speaking we put the relationship at less risk. This gives us time to choose words well.
People who demonstrate action over words are considered wise and rational people. Our children benefit from seeing this model in their parents.
Careless thoughtless words can be very influential in changing relationships for good. Going into damage control is never as effective as simply avoiding such words.
Teachers know the value of speaking well and using it to bring out the best in children. They know that careless talk changes the relationship by diminishing trust and teaching children becomes more difficult. They encourage children to think about what they want to say so that they get the best from the conversation.
As a principal, it was so important to speak with clarity, know my facts and think about the words that I was using so that a child would not misinterpret what I said. By doing this I was in a better situation to have a healthy, productive conversation.
It is such a powerful tool, the use of words. We are gifted with speech but should see it as a force to do good and to build relationships, especially with our children.
“The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice.”