As your child grows and the years swiftly move on you will notice that the things you say and what you do is quickly forgotten and replaced with new thoughts, plans and directions as a family. Do we fixate too much on the smaller details of each day? Time seems to work against us as we busily engage with our children over the years. They are preoccupied with years full of different agendas and the shifting demands that are placed on us. What do our children really think about us? Are they aware of all our efforts? Do they remember the little details and the extra efforts we make over the years? What is their level of appreciation of us the parents?

No matter what effort you made, your child will never forget how you made them feel about themselves. They will have images in their mind of how they felt in your presence and how you treated them and valued them as people. These are lasting images and will influence their longer term memories of their childhood and of your parenting. No pressure!

What will your child remember about you?

Think for a minute of your favourite teacher. What did you like about them? I am sure that how they treated you was a big part of your longer-term images of them.

The following thoughts may help you feel less pressured and happy in your own faith as an effective parent:

Little mistakes don’t really register in the longer term.

Being a parent with the best intentions is good enough. If things do not go perfectly as planned so be it. Children need to learn that disappointment is part of growing up.
Always watch the way and the intent of how you talk to your child. Be consistent in how you discuss matters. Changing tactics becoming angry etc. will unsettle your child.
Your child does not expect you to be perfect. In fact, they like your natural style and value your honesty when making a mistake. Such honesty and ease in apologising, reassures them that you are human and will be empathetic to their needs.
Whilst it is important to affirm them regularly, they also appreciate your honest appraisal of some of their activities. Listen to their concerns and be available for consultation when asked. Try to involve your child in as much decision making as possible. The more they feel part of the decisions, the more they engage and feel connected to the story.
In making your child feel good about themselves, you need to be honest and open with them. They deserve honesty and value your truth when at times it comes with disappointment and loss. What is a parent if it is not to rear and nurture a happy, healthy individual born from the experience of being a happy child?
Your disposition also has a strong influence on how your child feels and copes around you. The more they feel welcomed and find it easy to engage with you, the happier and more fulfilled they feel. It may seem strange but your style of parenting plays heavily on their sense of feeling valued and developing a healthy self-esteem.
Think about what your child says about their favourite teacher. It is interesting to hear what makes them happy in being around them. No surprise that it will be linked to how much they feel valued and can trust their teacher.

Finally, just relax and take stock of all the good ways in which you parent. Don’t be troubled by small stuff, but keep your eye on the ball which is the longer-term gain of having reared a happy child whose memories of childhood will be warm and comforting thanks to you!

‘A happy childhood is perhaps the most important gift in life.’
-Dorothy Richardson