This can be a problem for some children who really struggle to accept anything less than perfect. How frustrating this can be for them as they never seem to be at peace unless they are correct 100% of the time. For themselves, they set very high standards. They also see that other people value them for how much they have achieved rather than for who they are. These are unsafe values upon which to be basing your sense of self. A child who is a perfectionist does not feel free to make any mistakes and we know that mistakes are an important form of learning for your child. If the child feels too anxious to make mistakes their confidence drops and all sorts of behavioural complications can enter the scenario. There is no joy in working from perfectionism and it can be seen as early as young children not writing a sentence for fear they make mistakes.

Teachers are very astute when they find students reticent to have a go or reluctant to put themselves forward. They realise the more they allow the child to step back and make no attempt, the more poor conditioning steps in and the harder it is to get them back in the groove of doing activities.

At home there are ways to help the child begin to overcome this problem.

Consider:

Firstly and most importantly consider if you are a perfectionist. You can have a major influence on your child if they see you operating as a perfectionist.
Show your child how you work through problems. Let them see that making a mistake is a way of learning.
When they show you their work, affirm its worth. Remember it is the effort you are affirming and not the quality of the work as a final product. This habit should start with very young children to be successful.
For these children, competition is important but within reason. Very young children are often keen to show you what they have done be it a drawing, sand sculpture etc. This is a tender age for building the understanding that you are impressed with all their attempts.
Keep installing the value of ‘have a go’ and telling your child that through trial and effort learning occurs happily.
With older children, it is worth talking about some great successes such as Einstein who based his life on learning from taking risks and mistakes.
Use practical examples in your own life when things went wrong and still you learnt.
Wherever possible take away the pressure to succeed. That may mean talking to your child’s teacher about potential problems that could stem in the classroom. It could mean putting your child in situations where there is not an obsessive focus on success. Healthy competition is important but some environments may be not suitable for your child who becomes fixated on being perfect.
When a challenge comes your child’s way, we do not talk about meeting that challenge for fear of failing. We meet it to simply have a go and improve in some capacity.

‘Have go at swimming backstroke. You will learn so much from just making an attempt.’

‘Well done you made a great effort and for the first time swam a little on your back.’

Here it is about picking up on the effort and noticing a difference. There is no focus on being perfect.

Children who have a tendency to be perfect often prefer to stay in their comfort zones. This give them assurance and they don’t need to try as they may fail. Give your child various opportunities to try different things. Take them out of their comfort zones and challenge them to do different things. This could be through sports,family holidays etc.
Sometimes children feel under pressure when the issue of success comes up. For example, school tests,sports event, social event etc. Preparing the child before the event is helpful by reminding them of the time they had a go and it worked out. Also reinforcing how you award the effort not so much the outcome.
Try to avoid being an overprotective parent. Such a model limits the child’s opportunities to take risks and discover their own potential.

Finally, as a parent whose child has perfectionist tendencies try to be more relaxed and let your child see how the value in life is about not fearing the unknown and learning to embrace some risk and challenge. Let them gradually feel the joy of simply exposing themselves to change and feeling success from the experience.

‘Focus on progress not perfection’
-Bill Philips