There has been some recent research released from Latrobe University stating that children that do jobs at home develop into more rounded individuals capable of taking on responsibility and managing themselves well. That sounds wonderful and why not engage your child with home duties? There is quite a lot to learn for a child taking responsibilities in the home not the least of which is that they occupy the home space and should take some ownership.

This article is to invite us to find the balance of a child having home duties and to take into consideration all the other responsibilities and pressures that are on a child. When working with children myself a significant factor in supporting them was to help them overcome their sense of being overwhelmed by all the social pressures and other demands in life.

The home should be a place of rest, safety and feeling secure in a child’s own skin. Of course duties around the house are important but should not overwhelm the child nor should they become a battleground with parents. I stress this as I have seen many unsettled children grow unhappy due to demands at home.

Consider:

Plan jobs together as a family and check in regularly as to how they are going. Gives lots of affirmation when a job is done well.
A regular family meeting should not become a tense bun fight because jobs are not done well. At these meetings negotiate with your child around suitable tasks that are fair and reasonable. Understand that a child’s expectations may be different.
If your child has a busy week at school or extra demands on them in some other way, consider modifying your expectations around the house. We all need respite from tasks from time to time.
A child is more willing to do tasks if they see the value in them. Tidying their room is often not a value they care about and can often become a sore spot with parents. Talk to your child about what they see is important around the house and relegate those tasks to them.
Try to not discuss tasks that are not done in front of other people. Try to create an environment at home that is inviting and happy for the child. Discuss with them your concerns in private with an attitude to listen well to your child.
As the child grows older the tasks will change and always keep in mind that a child is less interested in spending time with the dishes then being outside with their friends. Therefore, encouraging them to support you must be handled carefully.

‘Let’s do the dishes quickly so that you have more time to play with your friend.’
Here you recognise what is important to them and you use encouraging ways to help them. Showing this support goes a long way with the child who sees that you still expect the job done but understands what is the real driver for your child. You have no expectation that they should love doing the dishes.

As the child grows into a teenager there are of course more expectations to be placed on them but remember that for a teenager to enjoy home it should be filled with happiness and understanding as it is too easy to escape the scene. Jobs should be allocated fairly and in consideration of the teenager’s changing expectations. Who knows any teenager that likes home jobs!!

Finally, a supportive word for the child. We all only have one chance to have a great childhood and this should be filled later with memories of happy experiences and a home that is not punitive but just and loving. It should be an environment where the child takes adequate responsibility in a space that invites negotiation, is open to change and willingly listens to concerns.

Long may home duties exist for a child but finely balanced so as to not stifle the joy of childhood.

‘A home should be a stockade, a refuge from the flaming arrows of anxiety, tension and worry.’
-Wilfred Peterson