We often talk about the importance of focussing on a child’s strengths. Some call these gifts, others refer to them as potentialities.

Accepting limitations and strengths for a child

In encouraging and supporting a child’s strengths it is also valid to help them understand that we all have limitations and sometimes there will be others who perform much better than ourselves. This can be quite an awakening for some children. Teachers work skilfully in classes to highlight children’s strengths and also to learn about understanding their limitations.

A very young child at an egocentric stage, struggle with understanding that others can be better. With development and more self-awareness, they begin to start accepting themselves for who they are and recognising the bigger world around them.

Consider:

Praise your child when they show strengths. In the same way affirm other children when you notice that they are performing well. Children need to understand that others can do well and outperform them. It is important to publicly acknowledge their strengths.
Be specific when you affirm them. Tell them exactly why you admire some strength that they show.

‘I am so impressed in the way you play as a team member. You share the ball and act as great support for all the members of the team.’

When you talk to your child about limitations it is done in such a way that improvement is possible but we cannot be good at everything.

‘I can see how hard you try when you skip with your rope. Practice helps to make things better. Good luck.’

Here you acknowledge the effort but don’t put unrealistic expectations on them when you can see that they are struggling.

As a family talk about some of the great sports people, scientists etc. that have worked hard and succeeded and sometimes talked about their own limitations.
As the child grows to feel stronger and more in control of themselves, it is good if they can congratulate others who show greater aptitude than themselves in certain areas. This is called developing an emotional maturity.
With several siblings in the family there can be naturally rivalry and some petty jealousy about a sibling that does better than them. This is an excellent chance to build stamina in that child and encourage them to appreciate their sibling through their successes.
Keep the balance. Never focus too much on limitations but certainly keep alive all the wonderful strengths you notice from politeness to generosity and achievements.

It is all about the child growing to feel OK about their limitations and to understand that it is a natural part of life to have strengths and limitations. Once they can see how natural it is they have reached a very emotionally mature approach and will be well acknowledged by others for thinking in such a way.

‘It is not what you do for your children, but what you have taught them to do for themselves that will make them successful human beings.’
-Ann Landers