Do you ever get frustrated when asking questions to your child? Do you get the yes, no answers which give you little information but they certainly make it an easy reply for the child?

If you are seeking information from your child, consider the question you ask. There are two types of questions. One is the closed question. This leads to receiving a specific answer. The answer will be very short. Often a yes, no, maybe. A closed question is phrased such as:

‘Would you like some lunch?’

What questions can you ask your child to get answers other than yes or no?

‘Is school on today?’

‘Are you upset?’

Notice that one-word answers don’t give you much information but of course serve a purpose. Some children wait for more questions but others are satisfied that at least they answered. This can be frustrating for a parent who is seeking more information.

Open questions on the other hand give a child plenty of scope in how they answer them. They are a chance to talk more about feelings and attitudes regarding different matters.

Consider the open question:

‘Tell me about school today?’

‘How do you feel about having lunch early?’

‘Can you tell me about the maths test you had today?’

‘What is it like having a new teacher?’

These questions give a child plenty of scope in answering you and they offer more of an understanding of the situation. They are rich in information. They are a chance to have a real conversation and to understand much quicker if there are underlying problems.

With open-ended questions take care to:

Use them carefully. A child may give you a lot of information and you need to respect the information and not attack the generous answer.
Often an open-ended question may lead into other open-ended questions. This requires good reflective listening on the part of the adult.
Try to avoid following on with ‘why’ questions. They are clumsy and often shut down a child from talking.
Try not to use open-ended questions to simply satisfy your curiosity. They do invite a child to talk more and we need to respect what they have to say.
Remember that open-ended questions will continue to be useful if not used all the time. Sometimes a simple closed question gives you all the information you may need.
Be prepared that a child may disclose more of their emotions in answering an open-ended question and this will mean that you need to be prepared to pick up on this.
If you are not in a good position to listen to the answer of an open needed question wait until you have more time to focus on the child.

Finally, asking questions should not become a game especially when you become more skilful in using open-ended questions. Teachers often reflect on the mood and temper of a child before asking questions as they know the best response will come when the child is ready to talk. As parents, we work with our children on the run. This can sometimes cause us to stumble when talking to our children. Probing questions are often used when in a hurry for information. They are the least effective. Choose your times wisely when wanting to ask questions. This is more satisfying for both you and the child.

‘I don’t pretend we have all the answers. But the questions are worth thinking about.’
- Arthur Clarke