We all like to have friendships. In fact, being social and engaging happily with friends is necessary for your personal well being and they say a happy, long life.

As your child grows they begin to understand that being alone is not for them. They need special friends in their life. You could say that forming friends is an important part of their social and emotional growth. It is slow and steady growth. It goes through all sorts of trials and errors over the years in search of true, stable and trusting friendship.

During that time a child learns often the hard way what really defines a friend and it is our job as parents to gently ease them through this process. It is not our role to choose friends for them or to simply approve of the ones we like. Remember it is their exploratory journey to find out what best kind of friendship works for them.

A child often learns the hard way what really defines a friend and it is our job as parents to gently ease them through this process. It is not our role to choose friends for them or to simply approve of the ones we like.

Consider helping them in the following ways:

Remember they are your child’s friends and not yours. Take care not to be too intrusive with your child when they engage with their friends.
Take care not to influence your child in schooling friends. They need to own the choices and yes this may come with some sadness when the friendship breaks up but it is their journey.
A child feels sad when they have lost a friend. Talk about what they have learnt form the experience. Take care never to give lectures about what you see as friendship.
Sometimes you may not like the child that your child has chosen as a friend. This can be difficult especially if you have a good reason why the friendship is unsuitable. Talk gently with your child discussing some concerns you may have using an ‘I’ statement, but be careful to let the child decide what is best for them.
Friendships can come in all shapes and sizes. They can be formed for a purpose or simply for social pleasure, giving your child varied opportunities to find friends. Joining sports teams, clubs, caravan parks etc are great ways for your child to mix with different children with different life experiences.
Be open to inviting your child’s friends home for a play. This is a great way of letting your child know that you trust their judgements and that home is a welcome place for their important visitors.
When inviting children to your child’s birthday party be inclusive by not isolating children from the class list. Have seen many sad children when they were deliberately excluded and it caused much hurt. It also is a way of being generous and sharing your child’s happy moments with many children.
Take care not to probe your child when they are feeling down about a friendship loss. Let them come to you and chat. The more we question the more sad they feel that they have let you down or been the one at fault.
Don’t forget to talk to your child’s teacher if a friendship issue has come up and caused some unsettled feelings. Teachers are very astute about their student’s relationships and can give good counsel when needed. A check-in with the teacher is often a good idea especially if your child finds forming friends difficult.
Remember that forming friends is a natural process of growth in a child and they will be in and out of relationships for some time. Don't demonstrate to your child that you are disappointed by the shifts and swings with friends. They need to experiment with relationships until they can clearly define what makes a true friend for them.

Friendships for our children can form at any time as they grow up. They will have a much better chance of forming their own deep and meaningful friends if we simply walk with them through the journey of discovery, understanding that is has some tricky paths from time to time.

‘A best friend reaches for your hand and touches your heart’
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