An 'I' statement is all about self disclosure. It lets the person know that you have needs and feelings. It also let's the other person know your genuine thoughts. When you use 'I' statements with your child they have a much better understanding of how you feel.

Consider the positive 'I' statement:

“I am happy that you have cleared the table”.

“I feel better now that you are working on your homework”.

“I am excited that you got such a great result for your test. You tried so hard”.

• Giving your child a better understanding of your feelings gives them a stronger message and one that they appreciate and internalize more.

• Take care not to use the 'You' statement. It sounds so judgmental and evaluative. All the child hears is that sense of being judged even if it is a positive statement.

“You did the right thing by cleaning your room.” Here you feel that cleaning the room was almost a punishment! How about saying: “I am so pleased you cleaned the room. It looks so tidy now.”

• All positive 'I' messages should be a natural, spontaneous expression of your feelings. Your child will feel more secure when you use positive 'I' statements to deliver messages. They will hear your needs and respond in a happier way. I would even argue that they will listen with more intent.

Finally, when you give your child an 'I' statement, you are inviting them to address something that concerns you or perhaps you are praising them for something wonderful you noticed about them. The primary thoughts behind an 'I' statement are coming from you.