The best way to influence your child is through modelling →
When you build a strong relationship with your child you have a greater capacity to influence them in a healthy way. This is such a positive way of effectively passing on your values and beliefs in a safe and reliable way. Children particularly model after admired adults. Think about your childhood. Were you strongly influenced by adults that you admired and respected?
Let’s consider why modelling is such an effective way of influencing our children without using power or other means that certainly don't have a long life.
There are few risks in damaging your relationship with your child. By modelling what you believe in you are not directly or adversely attempting to change the child. You are just being yourself.
Your modelling is how you live and what you value. The child can see how happy it makes you and how you enjoy living by your standards.
When you model some behaviour that puts you in a certain direction it demonstrates your convictions. For example, if you believe in a clean house, a clear message is being sent to your child that cleanliness is important in your life.
Being credible is important. Sticking by your convictions sends a very clear message to your child that being rock solid in beliefs is important.
The effects of modelling may take years. Be patient with your child, who will want to experiment with change along the way.
The advantage of modelling is that you are not using power to influence your child. You are just demonstrating that how you live is an acceptable way to operate. In this way your relationship continues to grow. The use of power can result in the rejection of you as a model.
Modelling is all about the longer-term effect for the child. You want them to reflect positively on your model when they are adults making their own decisions. Of course, being another generation there may be a few twists and turns to your influences but none the less they will be useful if valued.
Modelling well is not about being perfect. Just be authentic around your child. They know our weaknesses and vulnerabilities. What they observe is how we handle them.
Finally, never underestimate your capacity to influence your child in the longer term. However, once we use power to exercise and influence, we can damage our relationship and cloud our ability to be of value to your child.