As parents we are all about protecting our children in many forms. They are our responsibility on so many levels and this includes protecting them emotionally as well as physically, socially and intellectually. At an early age, they are totally dependent on us which gives our role a stronger dimension. We are always on the look out to ensure that they are surrounded by love and total care. How wonderful is that! How accountable that makes us!

In protecting our children we should be also preparing them for the real world and with this may come some disappointments and sorrows. What can easily happen is that a parent may tell a small lie to protect their child from some impending issue or harm. This is passively disadvantaging the child who needs and deserves to hear the truth. They rely on your truth to understand the world and to feel secure in it. If they are uncertain that you are not sharing the truth, they may go to other less refutable sources to seek out information. Do they want to do this? The answer is clearly no. They want the truth from you, the parent.

This article is reminding us that by gently disclosing truth you are bringing your child into the real world, you are telling them that I respect your right to know the truth and I will give it to you in a way that is suitable for your age and appropriate for your understanding. Children who are suddenly thrust into critical truths such as death and divorce in a family have no choice but to grapple with it often in a complicated way.

The more we talk to our children in a way that always discloses the truth, will give them the credibility of being able to grow emotionally through many issues.

In working with children, they would often say that mum or dad has not told them about something as they did not want to upset them. You would be surprised how aware they are of watered down truths. This is dangerous as the child begins to develop anxiety around all sorts of possibilities.

Here are a few tips in setting the groundwork to talk about matters that disclose the truth which can be uncomfortable.

Lead into a conversation well prepared. Choose the time carefully

“I would like to talk to you about... as it has been a difficult problem”

Tell the story gently and calmly, not over dramatically.

Give the child time to absorb what you had to say.

They will ask questions and this is a time to carefully outline the situation with sensitivity to their age.

After telling them the situation, check in that they understood what you were telling them.

Reassure them that the matter is being dealt with and as time goes you will talk to them about related matters.

Using simple truths is ultimately better. For example:

“You can't have sweets as it is dinner time soon”.

This is more realistic then saying:

“you can't have sweets as your teeth will go bad.”

The first statement is real and genuine.

Children deserve the truth and if a responsible parent capably and sensitively presents the truth to the child, the child feels secure and reassured and will return to the correct source, 'the parent' and ask questions with more confidence.

Children who are aware that they will not receive a practical answer, often stop asking questions. They learn the habit of not asking as they have little confidence in the response.

“If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything”

— Mark Twain

If children think that you are not sharing the truth, they may go to other less refutable sources to seek out information.