Let’s face it, the more we feel stronger and confident in ourselves, the greater capacity we have to be successful and most importantly, like ourselves.

The best way to have success is to recognise that we do have strengths and that these are special highlights of our ability to cope. We also have low-lights that we need to work on. Recognising our low-lights should be seen as growth curves where we need to keep on working towards improvement.

For a child, dealing with emotions, regulating emotions is hard work. It is always best to start by focusing on strengths that are visible, repetitive and which give the child a feeling of success. This could be anything from being able to pack up their toys at an early age, through to having an aptitude for Maths.

The best way to affirm is to acknowledge the actual presence of strength in what they do or say.

For example:

“I really like the way you write in your book. You have a neat and very attractive style of writing. This shows me how skilled you are in this area.”

Notice that the emphasis is on being specific in relation to the skill that you have noticed. When it is repeated:

“Once again you show me how well you can write. I will ask you to write down the grocery list. This will be a help to me.”

It is also about utilising the skill and demonstrating how such a skill can cross over and be useful on different levels. This teaches the child that they have very capable skills which impact on others.

“You tidy the toys so well. I hope you will help me tidy my room it is such a mess”.

By giving them the awareness that their strengths are useful, they will begin to develop stronger relationships and will find their own application for their skills.

Whilst working with one child, who lacked some personal confidence, especially in school work, we all recognised how strong he was in sport. He was asked to help the younger children develop their games and this gave him personal pride and led to his improved overall self esteem.

Strengths are a wonderful building block upon which children grow on so many levels not the least of which is self awareness. The more self aware we become, the greater capacity we have to manage and value our strengths. It also helps us put our vulnerabilities in a better, more manageable perspective.

***The best way to affirm your child’s strength is to acknowledge the actual presence of strength in what they do or say.***