A child may seem like they in a cocoon for a few years after birth. After all we are the sole carers as parents and we have carefully nurtured and guided their development, socially, emotionally and intellectually. What a powerful influence we are when the child is in dependent stages. Parents should be proud of their work in those foundational years.

I always hear from parents after their child starts school how they start to grieve as the child brings home a great love for their teacher and friends start developing. It's like, “move over mum and dad there are other influences in my life now and they are important!” This can be a confusing time for parents as the child talks about other families and focuses on building a strong relationship with their teacher.

A challenge for parents is when the child begins to mimic or quote values that are not consistent with the family values. They may be using different language which they hear at school or simply copying behaviour.

This is a natural for a child to reflect on other family values. Often play dates at other family's homes brings new influences into a child's life.

As a parent think about the following advise to help adjust to the child's broadening world.

Firstly do not show negative body language when you hear something that doesn't sit favourably with you. The child is just experimenting with different ways of being.

It is best to say,

“You are acting in a way that makes me a little sad. In our family we like to ….........”

Remember that the child likes and is comforted by the security of the home, but needs to feel that you are receptive to hearing about alternative ways of being. A child gets mixed messages if they are allowed to associate with children but have parents that present negatively to them.

As a family talk about how families are different. When a child wants to talk about their friends or experiences, listen with interest and if there is some aspect that does not fit in your family values then discuss the difference and reinforce why you have different ways to operate as a family.

Attend school activities and having a presence in the classroom also shows the child that you happy to be around all the children and the life of the school. This reassures them that everyone is acceptable on the part of your family. Once the child is at school, their world becomes so much bigger and there will be influences ever present. For the child it is all about testing the waters, recognising what works for them. This takes time and with careful support and not controlling the childs' world, they eventually make choices which are often based around their family values.

In working individually with children it was very evident that those children who came from families with a more open and accepting set of values, were more inclined to make socially and emotionally based decisions.

I always hear from parents after their child starts school how they start to grieve as the child brings home a great love for their teacher and friends start developing.