How different we all are in so many varied ways. Sometimes, we look at the order of our children to gain insight into understanding their personality. Generally, we can detect certain patterns that are common to first children, generally more conservative, the second child usually more robust and a risk taker. It is not uncommon to hear parents comment on how different their children are and yet the upbringing is the same for all.

The reason is simple. Each child is different and their growth will be unique. Parenting should reflect that each child will have different needs that should be addressed.

In order for each child to be themselves, they will need their own time and space to just simply be themselves. This can be a challenge for parents who sometimes struggle to understand how each child responds differently to the family structure, especially rules and regulations. Rather than being frustrated about this, turn it into a positive. Aren't we lucky to have such variation in our children.

Each child has needs that challenge us to work with them differently. It also challenges ourselves in how we parent. Some children are quite and more reserved, some children are very vocal and demanding. The variations go on indefinitely.

The key is for parents to keep in mind:

Every child is unique.
Sometimes this may mean how I work with the child will be different.
I understand that whilst I give equal time to my children, it is natural that some children may demand more. This can be frustrating but is necessary given their individual needs.
I recognise that listening to my children will be different for each child.
I will need to cater for individual differences and see them as a gift in each child.
I will need to take care that quieter, less open children will need to be drawn out more in conversation. Still, I respect their quiet nature.
Sometimes as a family we need to do collective activities. It is however, important to check in with each child as to how they are engaging with family matters.
I need to be careful in using language that does not indicate competition between children.
Each child will have their own set of strengths that need to be celebrated. There is no need to have all my children achieving and successful in the same way. From time to time, some children will shine more than others. This is normal practice in an energised family.
We look for tendencies in our children that remind us of ourselves. Take care that we do not highlight aspects of a child that are not seen favourably by everyone.
Take care not to label a child with a particular characteristics. As they grow, especially into teenagers, their personality will keep evolving overtime and with this may come significant changes.
Given that each child is an individual, be open to surprises with them and relish the little changes that appear from time to time.

When working with children, I was amazed by how insightful children were regarding their parent's perception of them. I soon realised in working with children that their sensitivity to their parent's perception of themselves impacted on how they operated around their parents.

We need to have an open mind and heart to the beauty of the individual child during their precious time of growth. We need to see their individual changes, no matter how varied and uniquely different as another step in becoming a well rounded young adult.