Sometimes the days pass with regularity and we rise to meet various expectations. We are so busy just getting through the week and ensuring that we have ticked off all that we need to do especially with regard to children's activities after school etc.

What this article is about is quintessentially to search out the opportunities in the ordinary nature of the day to affirm and acknowledge your child's efforts in many and varied areas, big and small. Incidental praise is very much positive reinforcement intermittently and can be quite powerful and effective in building the child's emotional well being. It is all about the element of surprise. The more you do it, the more realised will become the child's behaviour.

“Well done. You certainly know how well to unpack the groceries. I can start the dinner now.”

“I love the way you play with your younger brother. You are so gentle and understanding.”

In this way we identify unrealised strengths in so many areas. Note that this positive talk is quite specific and outlines why you are pleased, grateful or simply happy with their performance.

The more specific you are, the more genuine sounding is the statement. It also tells the child that their behaviour has had an impact on someone else.

“I really love the way you clean your room. Everything is put back in its right spot and I can walk around the room easily.”

Searching out opportunities is all about noticing occasions when your child spontaneously shows strengths in behaviours which sometimes we just take for granted. I am a great advocate of seizing the moment especially when they demonstrate gratitude, empathy to others or behaviour demonstrating an unselfish nature. This is all about strengthening their emotional literacies.

In the school setting, it is often a feature of the teacher's work. That is to spot the positive behaviour which impacts on others. After all, teachers model such behaviour themselves to the children all day.

Across the day, simply notice those times when your child demonstrates behaviour that does make a difference to those around them. Surprise them with positive recognition. This is optimising their growth. This is positive feedback.

It also helps the child realise so many of the ordinary things that they do, are actually done well

Praising children helps them to realise so many of the ordinary things that they do, are actually done well.