We all know that personal assurance for children is so important in their life to give them a feeling of being safe and secure. However, life can sometimes interfere with the perfect journey of children from birth to adulthood. Life can change in an instant or it can be slow and a gradual relinquishing of feeling secure. Shock can enter the scene and some children have many facets of grief to work through over time. No reasonable adult wants this for their child but life can change and this will involve the children.

It is a natural consequence that their sense of security and well being will be affected. They will go through many emotions including:

Were they at fault?
What about feelings of being left alone?
Are they still really loved?
Feeling insecure and less capable individuals.

Their list goes on but overall, the child feels fragile and a great sense of loss.

Read here for some advice on how to support your child through separation and divorce.

The parent will be experiencing a mixture of feelings themselves and may rely on their children for emotional support. Feeling vulnerable as a parent means that emotional expectations will be high for the child.

Consider:

Always reassure the child that they are loved by both parents. It is most important to comment on both parents.
Reassure your child that the breakup was not of their doing. They are free of any responsibility. Keep reassuring your child about this fact as they can quickly slip into a belief that they caused it.
Keep home life stable as is possible. Make sure that the child knows exactly where when and with whom they are on each day. They will become quite anxious if there is instability and frequent change in this area. Even being on time for pickups is so important to offer reassurance to the child.
Remember that one on one time and quality listening time with your child is important while crisis is underway.
Let them talk and give them time to express themselves about what is on their mind. Often a child will go quiet when crisis hits. Best to keep the conversation flowing.
Behaviour can change as the child deals with their anxiety. Be tolerant and patient when you receive mixed messages from poor behaviour. School performance can suddenly drop off and interest in outside activities can diminish.
As adult emotions under crisis can be expressive, try not to criticise or talk badly about the individuals involved. A child listens and will be quite confused and talk less when there is unhealthy dialogue around people they love.

The key point is to provide ongoing love, understanding, reassurance and stability in difficult times. Try to remember that whilst you are going through a personal crisis, there is no avoiding that your child will be experiencing emotionally charged times. Accept that you will need support and so to your child. Rely on family support and networks that will minimise some of the impacts. All support is welcome.

‘In family crisis, parents have the opportunity to show children not to fear life uncertainties but to meet them head on Together, strengthened by unity.’
-Elle C Mayberry