How many battles do you need to win?

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In the business of the week and with all sorts of family issues to address, the question is how many battles with your child do you want to win?

Perhaps the better question is, how many battles do you need to win to keep stability and balance in the home and to remain sane? Teachers are quite clever at picking their battles in the classroom. They recognise that some issues should simply be left alone. They have a way of taking care of themselves. Other issues can be dealt with at an appropriate time and some may need immediate action. The skill comes in recognising the issues that need addressing and why you, the teacher are concerned about them.

There are several factors that drive our motivation to deal with taking on battles with our children. These include:

  • Tiredness.

  • Preoccupation.

  • Busy times.

  • Focusing on what presses your buttons.

  • Irritability.

  • Opinions of others about your parenting.

  • Wanting to always win.

  • Frightened to be out of control as the parent.

What we need to do as parents is take a step back and when an issue has come up, try to reflect on how important is it to resolve.

  • Is now the best time to deal with it?

  • Are we in the best framework to manage the situation?

  • Is it an important issue?

If you are questioning whether you want to deal with the issue, this is an excellent way to start reflecting on how, when and if necessary you will deal with it.

Here I say:

  • Be confident that you will make the best decision of how to deal with it. After all you are now giving it some thought!

  • Allowing time to reflect slows down some anxious thoughts and makes the situation less heated.

  • You will evaluate the worth of going into battle if you simply stop and think about it.

  • It is always important to evaluate why you are angry and this should guide you in the best response. What is driving your anger is an important and often revealing thought to explore.

Finally, our children challenge us in many ways. We are definitely challenged by simply choosing how we respond to those situations. Our response will dictate how our relationship keeps developing.

‘Perfect parents exist but they do not yet have children.’

-Unknown