There is much to be said for a smile. Mother Theresa was known to say, “Love begins with a smile”.

Our body language often speaks to a child more than words. How we communicate is not just through speech but also through our physical demeanour and especially the expressions on our face, volume of voice and the tone of voice. A child is keen to read all messages that you give them. Especially, if there are concerns or wants, behavioural issues etc.

We hear quite a lot about mindfulness and the value of remaining calm and steady in crisis, however difficult this may seem. It is actually true. The calmer and more in control you are, the more likely a child will relate to you over matters that are more significant.

Of course, the human condition sometimes makes it difficult not to express feelings that are quite obvious. We all get tired and reactive at times. Generally, children sense when our capacity to cope is down.

When working with children, I would notice how quickly they would switch off if I appeared unsettled or changed the way I normally reacted to situations. They were excellent at reading the signs. Therefore, I needed to recognise in myself when I was not ready to chat to children and find the time to listen. They would also tell me that they would carefully read their parent’s body language before talking to them about matters that troubled them.

If a child feels secure in our presence and the body language that we use around them is consistent, warm and inviting, they will invite us into their world.

The tone of our voice, how we stand and listen, where we situate ourselves when talking, how we use our hands, the space we take in chatting, all of these are body language signs which send messages to a child. Remember, the physical difference between you and a small child. Try and sit when discussing matters to give them more security. Use warm eye contact and keep the voice calm and steady. All of these behaviours reassures a child that the lights are green and chatting is worthwhile.

Consider the following:

If you feel that you cannot remain calm and steady then delay talking to your child over a matter to be discussed.
Let your child know if you would prefer to talk at another time when you felt more relaxed or less distracted.
Keep steady and avoid doing other tasks while talking. Be present for that moment.
Ensure that when you are chatting choose a place that will not distract you from staying focused.
Your regular modelling of being consistent when talking to people is noticed by your child.
As with positive modelling in body language, ensure you use positive talk while engaging in conversation.
Learn from being positive with body language and notice your own improvements with each occasion.

Smile a lot. A child needs reassurance that all is well with the world.

“Anyone can hold the helm when the sea is calm”

— Publilius Syrus

A child needs reassurance that all is well with the world.