Giving your child tools to defend themselves.

It is hard work sticking up for yourself as a little one on the yard or just simply feeling empowered when other children act inappropriately towards you. The following is about teaching your child, or a child in your care some simple “I” statements that give them a sense of control and that do not lead to unnecessary conflict.

Sit with your child and talk about the feelings they have often when things go wrong. They will come up with feelings like angry, upset, unhappy, frightened.

Simple words will help when your child is feeling feeling unsettled in any situation.

Then teach them how to use those words when feeling unsettled in any situation.  For example:

• "I am unhappy when you hit me."
• "I am angry when you take my book."
• "I am frightened when you shout at me."

You are teaching them to use the “I” followed by the feeling they have and the act that upsets them.

Practice this at home in any situation that may occur between siblings. When you see your child upset, discuss how to express it with an “I” statement. Firstly, find out what negative emotions they are experiencing.

By teaching them to express their feelings about someone else's behaviour you are giving them tools to manage their problems. This is a very healthy way for them to express their frustrations and it gives them more ownership of their unsettling emotions.

Of course, practice is necessary but once a child sees the value and feels successful, they will begin to automatically use this technique.

It's only a balloon

Balloons can be lots of fun.

They also are easily available and can be great to express feelings.

For example, if a child has had a bad day, ask them to blow up the balloon thinking about all the things that went wrong.

They can mention them with each new breath taken. Then let it go!! Wow it splatters everywhere and of course makes the appropriate sound.

Then you say..."problems are blown away into the air !"

Children can draw a sad face on the balloon before they let it go.

I have used this with younger children and they enjoy the experience of letting their sad feelings just blow away.

For those that like the drama

This may not be for everyone but acting out situations can be a great way of telling stories and learning about feelings.

When a child is feeling sad and you feel up to the exercise, try acting out a story that they are familiar with.

For example act out, the three little pigs. The child joins in and soon the attention goes to the drama and the child's attention is taken from their first preoccupations.

When the dramatisation is over you can suggest "now you seemed sad . Are you feeling better now?”

Another acting out is through finger puppets. Children enjoy becoming the character and sometimes discuss their feelings through the puppets. I have seen this dramatic activity done also with plastic gloves and the child draws the characters, firstly on the fingers of the gloves.

Using drama is about transferring the feeling onto the character and talking through the emotions. I have always found that children who struggle to express themselves and don't feel confident around peers show a great interest in drama and often excel in this field. They thoroughly enjoy taking on another character and expressing them in a public way.

No surprises that many of our famous actors were not confident children in their own right.