Have you ever felt that you were just not worthy of rewards or that you felt that people had misjudged you or that you weren’t as capable as people thought. Perhaps somebody else should have your position? Beware, this is called the impostor syndrome. This is where we tend to believe that we are fooling others and rising above our status and capabilities. It can be one of those syndromes that can start early and I have seen, in some children, a lack of willingness to take awards, or put themselves first, because they thought others were more worthy. A child can start to develop stepping back approach to and not expecting to be chosen because of their feeling of unworthiness.

Let us consider how we can ensure that our children reduce their feelings of insecurity:

Always try to reinforce with them why they have succeeded. In this way you are being specific about their achievements. They are real and clearly being stated “Well done. You won that award because you can run so fast. It is a great skill of yours.”
Encourage your child to put their names forward for all types of events and opportunities. Explain that better to be in the race than not.
Talk about how you cope with feelings that others deserve it more than you. Perhaps you have had times when you were reluctant to put yourself forward. How did you handle it?
Having knowledge that you are capable and that there are good reasons why you should be chosen is a key to being on top of this problem.
Reinforce regularly to your children that we all have some fear about taking on new steps but that they are worthy and that they should feel proud of all their achievements.
Sometimes it’s worth just listing all the capabilities your child demonstrates. Sometimes seeing it gives a strong message of their sense of worth.
Talk to your child’s teacher and ask if there are any signs that your child is choosing to stand back from being chosen or is reluctant to put up their hands. Teachers are very good at bringing children into the scene and ensuring that their engagement in the class is full and healthy. The classroom is an especially important space for your child to feel strong and confident in themselves amongst their peers. So much of this impostor syndrome is about you feeling less worthy than others.
Try to avoid put downs to your child. These are sure fired ways of making them feel less worthy. Words stick and can be remembered for a long time.
Take care not to rush to negative talk when a situation develops. Here we are trying to encourage our children not to immediately focus on the negative. When a tricky situation occurs think about the positive first. Be drawn to thinking about good outcomes before honing in on the negative.

Finally, we all can suffer from being a little nervous but here we are trying to ensure that our children do not become conditioned to stepping back and feeling less worthy than others. A healthy dose of personal confidence and feeling of worthiness is what we seek for our children. It is a very healthy disposition to like yourself and feel achievable and worthy.

‘Love isn’t something you have to deserve.’
-Jennifer Echols