This is a short reminder that when you express anxiety, this can be modelled by your child. They are keen to learn from you in many and varied ways. They look to how you respond to situations and will grow to understand how you interpret life, the way you react to difficult situations etc. No escaping it. As the parent, your behaviour is being internalised and modelled by your child. On the bright side, this can be seen also as a positive. Consider all the various experiences in your life where you display compassion, love, forgiveness and tolerance. Don’t underestimate all the positive behavioural aspects of your life that are internalised by your child.
Often, we say is it nurture or nature that gives direction to the way our children respond to life issues? Whatever the answer, there is no escaping that how you express your life will have an impact on your child.
In working with children, it was not uncommon to hear them talk about the way in which their parents would respond to situations. They were very much in tune with your levels of approval, disapproval and tolerance. They are generally not of an age that can be too discerning and so they will mimic your emotional responses quite often. Consider the following thoughts to give guidance when you are feeling unsettled or anxious.
Try to express your feelings in simpler forms. Adult versions of what makes you unsettled can be confusing.
Is it necessary to talk about your anxieties in front of your child? This is where you need to be discerning and especially consider the age of the child.
Sometimes just stopping and thinking is best before rushing into a response that can be critical or provocative.
When feeling unsettled decide how you want to present yourself in front of the child. Is it feasible to remove yourself for a while?
Teachers understand that working with children they must maintain an even temper and disposition. In this way, the child becomes climatized to an emotionally stable teacher and classroom. This does not preclude the occasions to discuss feelings of being unhappy. However, such discussions are done in a controlled and responsible way.
As parents, so much happens spontaneously and on the run. Take care to be aware of the presence of your child when talking about serious matters to other adults.
If you are anxious or unsettled, talk to your child in a way that helps them understand what is going on.
“Today I feel quite unsettled as I am starting a new job.”
Here it is about giving them some insight into your feelings without undue anxiety developing on their part. It is also aligning some anxiety as being in the normal range. A child needs to understand how you manage your anxious moments and learn sound responses for themselves.
The essence of this article is to gently remind us that children are very receptive to changes in our emotional state. They need and feel more secure when they see that you are secure. Allowing them to learn about managing anxiety by watching your responses can be a great benefit to them forging strong ideas of self-management.