Consider how we speak. How do we use our words? Are we quick to say things off the cuff or are we more precise and careful in how we speak? Our children hear not only what we have to say but how we say it. They quickly pick up the intonation and sense our mood, intent and temper in our conversations. This blog is to invite us to reflect a little more deeply on how we present ourselves to children through our words. Do we want them to see us a controlled person or one who speaks with thought and with judgement in how we speak?

No question about it, children will be attracted to the parent who speaks calmly and is approachable and not so quick to temper. These are parents who choose their words carefully.

Consider the following:

How we speak gives a message to our children about how we approach life. More words are not always better than less, more meaningful words.
We want our children to engage with us over many topics. The more controversial, the less likely they will approach someone who speaks quickly, jumps to conclusions and can be quick to respond with strong opinion. Even using highly articulate words can be intimidating to a young child. By them not understanding the words can more unsettling.
Remember, ‘Words once spoken can never be revoked.’ (Horaci 65-8BC)

The advice here is about realising the power and potential damage if words are used with intent to hurt. By stopping and thinking before speaking we put the relationship at less risk. This gives us time to choose words well.

People who demonstrate action over words are considered wise and rational people. Our children benefit from seeing this model in their parents.
Careless thoughtless words can be very influential in changing relationships for good. Going into damage control is never as effective as simply avoiding such words.
Teachers know the value of speaking well and using it to bring out the best in children. They know that careless talk changes the relationship by diminishing trust and teaching children becomes more difficult. They encourage children to think about what they want to say so that they get the best from the conversation.

As a principal, it was so important to speak with clarity, know my facts and think about the words that I was using so that a child would not misinterpret what I said. By doing this I was in a better situation to have a healthy, productive conversation.

It is such a powerful tool, the use of words. We are gifted with speech but should see it as a force to do good and to build relationships, especially with our children.

“The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice.”

— Peggy O’Mara