Building a healthy mental state in children doesn't happen overnight—it's about cultivating steady, consistent habits within the family. When children learn to explore and inquire about life, they become more resilient, embracing challenges rather than fearing them. Gail Smith offers practical suggestions to help boost your child's mental health, fostering a mindset where curiosity and confidence flourish.
Read MoreOur children need to be steadily building a strong belief in themselves. They will put themselves forward and receive some knockdowns but climbing the ladder of being strongly connected to the world will come with mounting strong self-belief.
Read MoreConsider how we speak. How do we use our words? Are we quick to say things off the cuff or are we more precise and careful in how we speak? Our children hear not only what we have to say but how we say it. They quickly pick up the intonation and sense our mood, intent and temper in our conversations. This blog is to invite us to reflect a little more deeply on how we present ourselves to children through our words. Do we want them to see us a controlled person or one who speaks with thought and with judgement in how we speak?
No question about it, children will be attracted to the parent who speaks calmly and is approachable and not so quick to temper. These are parents who choose their words carefully.
Consider the following:
How we speak gives a message to our children about how we approach life. More words are not always better than less, more meaningful words.
We want our children to engage with us over many topics. The more controversial, the less likely they will approach someone who speaks quickly, jumps to conclusions and can be quick to respond with strong opinion. Even using highly articulate words can be intimidating to a young child. By them not understanding the words can more unsettling.
Remember, ‘Words once spoken can never be revoked.’ (Horaci 65-8BC)
The advice here is about realising the power and potential damage if words are used with intent to hurt. By stopping and thinking before speaking we put the relationship at less risk. This gives us time to choose words well.
People who demonstrate action over words are considered wise and rational people. Our children benefit from seeing this model in their parents.
Careless thoughtless words can be very influential in changing relationships for good. Going into damage control is never as effective as simply avoiding such words.
Teachers know the value of speaking well and using it to bring out the best in children. They know that careless talk changes the relationship by diminishing trust and teaching children becomes more difficult. They encourage children to think about what they want to say so that they get the best from the conversation.
As a principal, it was so important to speak with clarity, know my facts and think about the words that I was using so that a child would not misinterpret what I said. By doing this I was in a better situation to have a healthy, productive conversation.
It is such a powerful tool, the use of words. We are gifted with speech but should see it as a force to do good and to build relationships, especially with our children.
“The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice.”
Are you the person that always asks for help? Some children naturally ask, even though they may not have thought through what they are asking. This, for some, can simply be a habit. Other children can be slower in asking for help and others may not ask for help due to shyness, embarrassment, fear of looking like a failure, etc. Not getting into the habit of asking questions, can be dangerously habit forming and we want our children to hear their voice in the classroom when questions are asked.
Whatever the category your child falls into, all children need to ask for help in the classroom and learn that asking for help is natural and to be expected in developing an inquiring mind. Once a child becomes an adolescent, they need to have conquered their fears to ask for help, otherwise, it can become an academic and social minefield.
Teachers carefully monitor those children who remain silent and work very calmly and skilfully to bring their voice into the harmony of all the classroom when questions are asked. A teacher will respect the quiet child, but work to get their questions and voice out in the open.
Asking questions suggests developing intellectual curiosity and perseverance to learn more. By asking questions our children are wanting to explore concepts for themselves and make sense of what they don’t understand.
At home, you can support your child to ask questions in the following ways.
Asking questions suggests developing intellectual curiosity and perseverance to learn more
Ask a lot of questions yourself. Demonstrate to your child that asking questions gives you the knowledge you need to feel satisfied.
When together as a family, have a game of asking questions. This can be a great game in the car and the importance here is to invite questions about some information. The game of ‘I spy’ is a popular one.
Ask your child about how they gain information in the class. Do they ask questions? Are they comfortable asking questions? Do they feel asking questions helps them learn? If this is a problem,
Talk to your child’s teachers about how best to assist your child.
Once a week around the table ask the children to simply ask questions. This can be around a topic, a picture etc. the importance is simply to practice asking questions.
We are aiming for our children to recognise that asking questions is a normal part of solving problems. It should be to a child a natural process this is used in building knowledge.
“The important thing is to not stop questioning.”
Organisation is always a challenge for children as they grow. Also, as parents, some of us are less organised people in planning events etc. It’s just in our nature how we approach planning. This article tells us that planning can be learnt, which is so beneficial for children’s success in self-management. The earlier they value being a planner, the more they gain through being organised and in control of what they are doing.
Taking time to plan something well shows that a person is making choices about how they want to be in control of their actions. They come to understand that they will have more successful outcomes by being a planner. Planning well gives you a vision into what you are expecting as an outcome. To be productive is to plan well. For example, if you plan your trip well for the school holidays you feel reassured that it will be successful and that you have a clear understanding of what to expect. There are fewer unfortunate surprises.
There are developing skills in learning to plan well and children will get better at it and more accurate in their planning, reading situations better etc. as time goes. They will make mistakes but grow in confidence about sharpening the planning process.
Teachers know that planning their lessons well is the key to the quality of teaching. Without effective well-planned lessons, teachers easily lose control of the outcomes. They understand that the quality of their planning will impact a child’s learning.
Read here to help your child be a dedicated planner.
They are also keen to teach children the importance of planning and when assignments are on the agenda, teachers will spend considerable time with children discussing their plan. Sometimes pieces of work are marked on the quality of the planning demonstrated by a child.
When we teach our children to plan important events etc., they begin to value the process of planning as a way of managing their world and feel in control. They are setting the directions themselves. Once they feel the success of their planning, children will want more control of their actions.
Here are some thoughts on helping your child become a dedicated planner.
Demonstrate to your child how you plan for important events, occasions etc. Allow them to share in some of this planning. Is planning an important part of your work life?
There are various ways to plan and everyone develops their own style. Talk about what tools you use to help you plan. For example, are you someone who takes notes?
Do you plan your events on a computer? Do you revisit the plan?
What resources do you use in planning?
When your child talks about important events that they will participate in, talk about what plans they have in place to make it successful.
When planning we all need time for this and talk to your children about how much time they will give to the planning process.
Talk about successes you have had from careful planning. It is also worthwhile to talk about the trial and error in planning. This is also an important process we go through before discernment.
A wise person sees planning as a natural part of putting order and structure into their world. Teaching our children, the value of planning gives them an important tool in guiding their directions with personal satisfaction and confidence.
“‘Good teaching is more a giving of right questions than a giving of right answers.’
-Josef Albers”
This is all about giving them gradual independence to manage themselves. As they grow in independence they will certainly come across situations where they are uncomfortable, exposed to failure and feel generally unsatisfied with their efforts. These are all-natural feelings. Sometimes as parents we think by taking the responsibility away from them, they will have less pain and besides what if they make a mistake? How will they feel?
As the child grows in independence, they also grow in taking on their own responsibility for things. This teaches them to own the situation. There is much satisfaction with a child when they start to take responsibility. This gives them a sense of self-worth and a feeling of growing up as a real person. There is nothing more enriching than having that feeling of making decisions yourself.
Our role as parents is to support this gradual development and watch with joy our young one taking on responsibility.
Teachers know that in order for children to learn effectively they need to take ownership of their learning. During the school day, teachers will provide situations where children will make informed decisions on what they learn and how they learn. At parent-teacher interviews, there is nothing more satisfying for a parent than to hear that their child is a responsible learner. This has come about by gradually learning to take risks and to make responsible choices for themselves.
Teachers know that success only comes from accepting responsibility.
You will be amazed how small opportunities to take on responsibility will increase self-esteem once they are successful in showing responsibility.
Consider the following thoughts to build stamina in your child with regard to taking on responsibility:
Consider your own life situation. Are you a person that models responsibility and ownership of situations? Talk to your child about why this has been important to you over the years.
Do you have a list of chores at home that your child must do as part of the family routine? Could these chores grow in responsibility as the child gets older and demonstrates their growing strength in this area?
If you are having a holiday, get your child involved in the planning and being responsible for certain duties. Perhaps they take ownership of packing their bags, researching venues etc.
Talk about the responsibility of doing tasks at school. We know that leadership develops in children who show strong skills in being responsible. School captains are chosen from those children who demonstrate strong skills in being responsible. Teachers frequently set up monitors in classrooms on a rotation basis giving children responsibilities to manage.
Talk about how you value your child’s growing awareness and interest in taking on responsibility. Take care not to rescue your child too soon after disaster strikes as this will only disengage your child from taking on responsibility. It also delays any further interest in being responsible.
For those children reticent to be independent, give them small opportunities to be independent. You will be amazed how this will grow once they are successful in showing responsibility.
We live in a world where the safety of our children is paramount and to this end, I can understand how we are cautious parents in giving them too much responsibility and independence early.
I would argue that with gradual responsibility being handed to them, they are stronger and more confident young people. They are more observant of life around them when being responsible for themselves. They confidently and intuitively show skill in navigating their way around difficult situations and are much happier in themselves being in control.
“The greatest gifts you can give your children are the roots of responsibility and the wings of independence.”
Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.
If your child is sitting the Naplan test then I recommend approaching the situation in a positive way and give your child the reassurance they need that Naplan, in the scheme of things has little relevance.
Consider:
Talk to your child about all that you have learnt about them through the teacher.
Remind them that your teacher is the best person to tell you how you are progressing at school. Remind your child that education, learning is about building up knowledge. It is not about picking out a special test to compare you to a larger cohort of children.
If you feel that your child is anxious about the test arrange a parent-teacher interview with your child to give the child reassurance about their ability to learn.
Also remind your child that the teacher does regular testing which is accurate as it is cumulative and that is what you learn about progress.
Once you obtain the Naplan results ensure that you talk positively about your child’s progress and offer positive reassuring words about the value of all the education across the year.
Talk to your child about your views on Naplan. If you are of a similar mind and question its value as an educational tool, discuss this with your child. It can take the pressure of the test putting things into a better perspective.
Remind your child that it is one test in one day. How relevant is that in the schema of life?
Talk generally about testing done at school. Reminding your child that its primary purpose is to guide teachers in their planning. Well planned teachers teach very well. Their results are more accurate as they are cumulative and above all they know your child!
Try to avoid talking negatively about Naplan issues, media, news etc. as children still talk to each other and build anxiety from what they hear around them.
Talk to your teacher about how Naplan is distributed and administered. Talking to your child about these practical issues can reduce anxiety on the day.
Children need to know that you value their journey of learning which is long, extensive and variable. Reminding them of this decreases the relevance of a standardised test once a year.
“The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs one step at a time.”