Embark on a journey with Gail Smith to uncover the joys and advantages of family holidays! Discover how these precious moments can strengthen family ties and create cherished memories that last a lifetime.
Read MoreSix ideas for giving mini moments of support and encouragement to your child.
Read MoreWe all want the best for our child's education. Here are some suggestions on what makes a great school.
Read MoreA reminder to cherish the wonders of being a parent.
Read MoreTime goes so quickly with children, here are a few reminders to cherish the smaller moments.
Read MoreAre we adventurous parents? Do we like trying new ideas and stretching our own imagination when it comes to changing directions, stepping outside our comfort zones.
This is worth a thought before we discuss this article which is all about allowing your child to step outside their own comfort zones and try new experiences.
As parents, we are quite conservative and we work to ensure that our child is safe and secure. We also tailor many of the activities to suit our child. Responsible parents put things in place to ensure that their child is given every opportunity to grow and prosper as a healthy child.
Sometimes we forget that allowing our child to try new things is also important for their growth. The more they demonstrate initiative and we affirm them, the greater the chance that they will develop into risk-takers who look for alternative ways to be and to do things.
Teaching our children that experimenting with new ideas and concepts can come from our own modelling.
For example, you may have a routine way of getting home in the car. Perhaps you change that route to test out a quicker way.
As parents we act responsibly and carefully managing our children. Sometimes stepping out of the mould can be a great driver for children to see the value of difference.
Are you adventurous in cooking and try new recipes? Do you occasionally listen to more modern music to get a feel for difference? Whatever you try on for size, talk to your child about how you enjoy trialling and experimenting with new ideas.
Once you notice that your child is interested in trying a new food, reading different genre in books, a new look in clothes etc. affirm these efforts. Let them know that trying new experiences will lead to a positive change in thinking.
“Well done. You tasted kiwi fruit this weekend. What do you think?”
In the classroom despite fairly rigid routine in the day, teachers will from time to time show spontaneity and suggest that everyone experiments with a new concept. For example, one creative teacher I knew would occasionally ask the children to write with their other hand for an hour. She would also ask them to play ball using the other hand. Here she was trying to take them out of their comfort zones and challenge the brain to think differently. Trying on new concepts, ideas or even attitudes to life is exercising the brain in a different way. The more comfortable ad familiar we are with what we do, the less we exercise creative thinking.
The other important learning aspect of trying on new ideas etc. is that the child starts to evaluate at a deeper level. They question, reflect and rethink their understandings gaining more confidence in their decisions. Sometimes trying on new things sends them rushing back to what they know. This is fine. The mere fact that they are prepared to explore new options puts them on a more intellectual plane and helps them improve judgements.
Consider the following thoughts.
Trying something new can only lead to change or more of the same. It is the exploration that is important.
Trying on new values can be challenging for all the family but children will come across different values all their life. Allowing them to explore different values within reason is very positive parenting.
Always affirm the fact that they value difference and enjoy exploring it.
Look for opportunities to put forward giving them a chance to try something new.
Talk about people you value that enjoy trialling new ideas.
Encourage your child to be creative as this will stimulate desires to see and value difference.
Trust in the process of trying on new things. It can only lead to new thinking.
Take care that if you suggest a child trying on something new be careful not to criticise if you are not happy with their response.
Finally, as parents we act responsibly and carefully managing our children. Sometimes stepping out of the mould can be a great driver for children to see the value of difference.
“Never be afraid to try something new, because life gets boring when you stay within the limits”
HPLYRIKZ.COM
How time passes when we simply don't notice the uniqueness of our child, the journey of their growth or their shift from childhood into adolescence, from adolescence into adulthood. This article merely touches on the value of stopping to smell the roses and enjoy the moment with the child.
We are very explicit with our families in terms of the things that we want to pay attention to and these are often around functional and aspirational things. For example, achieving at school, playing sport, doing homework etc. We are all keen to put emphasis on very typical aspects of our life which are common in many families. We expect to be attentive and reflective around such important issues.
What is unique are the individual moments to be shared with your child as they develop over the years. For example, if you bike ride with your child, stop for a minute and reflect on how joyous that experience is for all of you. When you sing a song together, set the kitchen table together, watch a humorous movie together, these are all times to reflect on that special moment that is a snap shot of your life together. It is difficult for parents with young children to imagine their child older, more independent. Time passes and this comes around quicker than we can imagine. Ask any parent whose last child is leaving primary school! A great way of understanding the preciousness of the moment is to look back on photos. Here we easily stop and reflect on that scene and contemplate how things have changed.
We cannot suspend time, but there is some evidence that time accelerates in our mind when everything is going well. Try to simply take some time to enjoy the moment whether it be watching your child in a classroom, sports field, play ground etc and reflect on the joy of that moment. Being more in harmony with the uniqueness of the present moment makes for a calmer disposition all round.
Here are a few thoughts to get you in a reflective mindset.
Take a big breath and just look around.
Look for the lighter side of the moment.
Tell yourself why this is special.
Pretend you are snapping a photo of that moment and remind yourself why?
“If you are always racing to the next moment, what happens to the one you are in?”
Can we think about our childhood for a moment and some of the regrets we may carry with us? Perhaps those regrets may include occasions we missed with our parents. Of course parenting in each generation is different and we need to remember that what was relevant for one generation may not be the same for the next generation. Still, we probably remember and have some grief about lost opportunities
This article is just reminding us that the time we have with our children is precious, short and remarkable. Their growth and frequent changes physically, socially, intellectually and emotionally surprise us all. Without sounding too grim, we can easily miss precious moments often those spontaneous moments that give parents so much joy. That special moment when they start to talk or develop cute expressions or play sport for the first time in a team. How about when they show you their first tooth coming loose and the excitement when they have a birthday. Our whole journey with them consists of moments in time and despite how busy we are we should try and have a strong presence in their life so that as a parent you gain the pleasure and satisfaction of parenting which you deserve.
As a school Principal, talking to a parents, it was not uncommon to hear parents expressing regret around missed opportunities with their children. Whilst I hear you say, I can't be there for everything, I would say that the child values the effort made. If they see how you value being strongly present in their life, they are very content. A child recognises and values your spirit of determination and desire to share their journey. That is what remains with them over time.
After all this is part of your journey as well as the child. Your life changed the minute your child was born and your presence in their life is so intrinsically bound together. You will never be the same after the birth of your child. I am not talking here about your commitment and responsibility to your child, most parents understand and take that seriously. I am referring to your natural desire to continue sharing their life in many different ways. They will naturally fuel your emotional stability, demonstrate such powerful things such as unconditional love and give you many opportunities to simply stop and smell the roses. We learn in so many varied ways from our children's journey. This is how we grow emotionally as well.
Talk to anyone who has teenagers and they will easily tell you how their child's early childhood went too quickly. They question if they missed important milestones and they sense some grief with the loss of those early delightful years when they were so dependent on you.
No regrets if you as the parent, plan to have a strong presence in their life, capturing in your mind and heart those special snapshot moments. Whilst our jobs and external roles are important, they will pass and be forgotten in the schema of time. Not so when it comes to those deep, happy and unique memories of sharing your child's special moments in their journey. No regrets PLEASE.
“To be in your children’s memories tomorrow, you have to be in their lives today.”
Do you regret time missed with your children?
Do you have a very sensitive child? If so, you will understand how sometimes they will disproportionately worry or feel upset over matters. Do you have a child always apologising or perhaps getting upset very easily over minor matters.
This blog is about putting worries into proportion. I heard recently a psychologist talk about how something in her past as a child stayed with her for a very long time. She had deep feelings of regret and sorrow over a matter which was not seen in the correct light or understood by adults. It was a displaced issue where someone in the family had died but she had not seen them for a while and as a small child she felt some responsibility for their passing. This may sound a crazy connection, but sometimes a child's mind can carry a sad feeling into adulthood. This silence can be deafening as the years progress.
Think about your own childhood. Were there any incidences that you can recall that brings sadness to your mind and that you attribute yourself to blame? Often families separating when a child is young can stay with the child into adulthood. They question, were they to blame? If only they had done something about it.
These often irrational sorrows can linger in our minds for quite some time in a subliminal way.
In working with children I was always keen to clear the cobwebs so to speak. Invite the child to talk about their fears and worries.
Here are some tips to keep their worries up to the surface of their thoughts and not buried deep to be resurrected as an adult.
As a family, plan weekly chats about everyone's week. Use this occasion to talk about family issues that have been dealt with and discuss how everyone feels about them.
If you notice a child not talking about a matter, find a quiet time to chat with them. It is best to deal with matters sooner rather than later.
Use the scale system. On a scale of one to ten, how did our week go? Be honest about matters that you had to deal with and chat about how you felt at the time.
At the end of the week, reflect on matters that may have impacted on your child. This gives you the chance to sensitively discuss them as a family. Remember this is about teaching children that talking about feelings is such a positive and emotionally settling thing to do regularly.
Remember that a child will understand problems subject to their age and how it is understood in the family. This is about teasing out any unsettling matters that may be locked into their minds.
Children should of course feel sorry over matters, but it should be a mentally healthy way of being sorry.
Call your weekly session “the throw away the cobwebs” session.
Irrational sorrows from childhood can linger in our minds for quite some time in a subliminal way.
If you read anything about Mindfulness you will learn that it is about finding peace and harmony in the moment. As parents we are fanatically busy rearing our children, providing for their lifestyle and planning for the future. Everything will be better if we just..... or when we just .....
It was quite a common conversation to have with parents who were always working towards ensuring their child's future was going to be a great one.
“We are busy this week as we are planning for …......”
Do we ever get the chance to stop and savour an actual moment with our child. They are growing mentally, physically, emotionally and intellectually at a very fast pace. Just look at the photos you take from month to month. Just reflect on your older children and ask yourself where have the years flown?
This blog is simply an encouragement to stop and smell the roses.
When your child is simply being themselves just stop and enjoy. Perhaps linger longer as you reflect on their childish ways. We don't need to wait for the cute moments and capture them on camera. Just enjoy the beauty of your child in the moment. Be mindful of their presence as they settle into you for a cuddle or settle into bed with a book. How about just observing them play? Sometimes, they are just present being themselves in whatever way that is at that moment.
Think about the beauty that you have in your life through their existence and savour that moment.
The days, weeks and years go quickly. It is about seizing the moment. You will feel better for the experience and start building a beautiful image of your child.
Sometimes, through adversity comes this simple appreciation of things. When a child is very ill and then recovers, we really begin to appreciate the presence and joy of that child.
Try not to get trapped in negative memories or to stay unhappily focused on negative behaviour for too long. Just to enjoy the simple joy of your child is being mindful of their presence.
Consider the following ideas to help with this process of just simply enjoying your child.
Laughter is a great experience to share. Try to find some time when you simply laugh together. One of my greatest fans was my grandmother. I have a lasting image of her dancing around the kitchen with a tea towel on her head. I cherish that image as it so vivid in my mind. When I think of her this image often comes to mind. It is a happy warm image, a snapshot of a remarkable woman in my life.
We all practise the art of stopping movies in between scenes. Consider that we are doing this with our daily experience. You are capturing moments on our emotional lens and savouring the scene. Don't press the play button too soon!
Consider some ideas in this article to help with this process of just simply enjoying your child.
I often say to parents, imagine what you would like your children to say about you at their twenty-first birthday or even your funeral!
They will reflect on the longer picture of their life's journey with their family and have memories especially about how they were valued and heard. Think about your own images of how you were reared. I would imagine you will have a general image of how you were loved and generally how parents nurtured you. The little details often get lost in the wash. It is the general feeling of how parents loved and cared for you that counts. Sometimes we become so focused on the small daily problems without considering that a child just sees you as the overarching person looking after their well being. It is quite common in counseling students that they quickly refer to the general image they have of their parents." Yes mum understands me". " I can talk to dad as he listens." These images are being formed throughout their rearing. They just sense how they are being cared for through parent's overall manner with them.
Aspects like patience, understanding, peacefulness, sympathy are words I often hear from children who talk about their families. When a child feels vulnerable around their parents, perhaps over having been in trouble, their first anxiety is how they lose value in the eyes of the parents.
A great activity with children is to ask the child to draw their family as animals and talk about their character through the image of the animals. For example. some may draw an owl as they see their parents as wise. Some may draw a zebra as mum is always running and on the go. This could be a fun activity for all the family. Always keep in mind the big picture. This is all about the overall feeling a child has about how they are valued and nurtured.
