Help your child to accept and enjoy their differences
As our children grow through various physical, intellectual, social and emotional stages, they are seeking out their identity and at times they feel dissatisfied with what they feel about themselves. Simply put, this is all about growing up and working out who you are in life.
One important aspect in the life of a child is their ability to identify with others, establish friendships and feel happy and fulfilled in the company of their friends. To this end sometimes a child loses some of their own identity to be part of the group. I would suggest that an important role for parents is to gently remind their children that they have a unique aspect to their personality and this can be embraced and should be celebrated.
This is all about teaching your child that they are different to other people and that this difference is what makes them special. It is about encouraging your child to like their differences and embrace them rather than absorbing them into some peer group image.
I appreciate that being part of a peer group and identifying with others is an important part of growing up. As a parent, there are a few strategies that you can use to help develop in your child a strong self-perception that can still sit comfortably alongside a sense of being part of a peer group.
Consider:
When you spot occasions where they demonstrate their uniqueness talk about it and discuss how it is such a positive aspect of your child’s personality. ‘I am so impressed at the way you care for your dog. You certainly are a compassionate and caring person. A great quality to have!’
Your child’s teacher will know exactly how unique your child is and I am sure they can tell you some great stories about how they operate in class. Learn about these unique qualities and tell your child how proud you are to hear about their differences at school.
From time to time you may have occasions to write notes to your child. This could be a Birthday card, Christmas card etc. Refer to their uniqueness and the special differences that you notice in your child. It is all positive reinforcement. Nothing is wasted in adding little reminders of their differences.
Talk about when you notice how their differences have made an impact in some way to others. There is nothing more satisfying than recognising how a person’s differences can influence and help others.
Sometimes talking about differences can set you apart from others. As a child matures, the more they understand that their differences make them who they are, the more they are inclined to value their uniqueness and like who they are becoming. Just keep gently and intermittently reinforcing that their differences are a gift.
Talk about people that you know and respect, that shine by nature of their differences. I am sure your child can easily talk about their heroes and what makes them different.
Your child can talk about their friends and they can easily identify what makes them stand out as different. This is worth a conversation at home from time to time. Children love a discussion about their friends.
When you are having parent-teacher interviews, it is normal that your child attends. This is a perfect time to talk with your teacher about the wonderful differences your child has demonstrated across the year.
Don't be anxious to repeat affirming your child’s uniqueness. It will really sink in and become an accepted part of the child’s character.
Children use their observations to work out how to treat others and how others should treat them. We can support their developing observations by highlighting differences that are important in life.
When children notice differences between people, this is a time to talk about them and to highlight that differences make the world an interesting and colourful place. It is a time to dull the potential of bias and racism. It is a time to grow in the knowledge that difference makes the world go round.
‘In diversity there is beauty and there is strength.’
-Maya Angelo